Giggles & Bits

Rock of Ages...

2011-12-30T05:26:00.005-06:00

I have recently (as in the past day or so) changed my definition of what it means to be young...

....being young means you can stay up until midnight on New Years Eve!

Something that at the age of thirty-something (higher thirties) I can no longer accomplish. How pathetic is that?

I overhead two teenage girls in the check out line at Target discussing their "like-oh-my-gosh-I-totally-can't-wait" New Years Eve plans...this was their conversation. Like, seriously:

Girl 1: "I seriously can't wait until Saturday, and...like, how perfect is it that New Years Eve is on a Saturday this year?"

Girl 2: "I know, right?!"

Girl 1: "I totally talked to Stephanie this morning and she said that she got a suite at Capital Plaza. How cool is that? I mean, how many people do you think we can fit? I think maybe we should book another room and try to get it on the same floor and then like if we have too many people in the suite we can party down the hall too. Eeek! I'm SO excited!"

Girl 2: "Totally. Book it. I mean seriously, this is going to be the best night of our lives!"

Girl 1: (flipping through Seventeen magazine) "Like seriously? They sell maternity clothes at Forever 21!"

Girl 2: "Duh, Teen Mom 2"

Did I sound like that at the age of sixteen? And hello???? Where are the parents?? Do they know that their daughters have booked a suite at the Capital Plaza Hotel? Furthermore, does the hotel know that they booked a suite for a cesspool of raging hormones???

It was overhearing that conversation that led me to reminiscing on some of my New Years Eve celebrations. It is really comical to reflect on my "Rock of Ages" so to speak...

Age sixteen: Sophomore year of high school. I was grounded (that was my life story growing up) for something I'm sure I did but tried to deny and my denial led me to an even harsher punishment. Being grounded on New Years Eve meant that I was free to babysit my little brother and my two little sisters while my parents went out to ring in the New Year. So I did what any normal (grounded) teenager with the most strict parents in the entire world would do....I snuck in the boy that I had been crushing on for the past year. Shawn...that was his name. He and his friend Jamie showed up to my parents house and I snuck them up the back staircase into my room (which at the time was in the attic, a remodeled area that was what every teen girl had ever dreamed of for her own personal space). My bestie, Nicole, was staying over with me, so she kept my siblings at bay by pushing a chair up against my bedroom door so they could not open the door and tattle on me. Of course all of that came to a head when my parents returned home after midnight and the house was a disaster, my brother and my two sisters were still awake and they immediately cried, "Betsy locked us out of her bedroom because she had people in there!" Yep...that bought me another two weeks punishment. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Age twenty-one: Dude, I was twenty-one....bars! booze! boys! .....wait....nope. I was married and pregnant. Seriously. Five months along with my oldest son Hayden. I sat swollen and hormonal on the living room couch watching Dick Clark on the television, counting down the last minute of the year. A bag of Cheetos and a glass of root beer....HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Age twenty-two: I wasn't pregnant. I was divorced. End of story. (I did have a beautiful baby boy!) HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Age twenty-five: New hubby, six months pregnant, asleep by 9 pm. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Age twenty-six: Still married (that was a big deal back then), a five year old, a six month old and....I was pregnant. Asleep by 9 pm. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Age twenty-seven: Three boys under the age of six (two were infants) and a hottie husband. Asleep by 9 pm. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

....and every year since hottie hubby and I have celebrated New Years Eve family style....TONS of junk food, sodas, movies and games with our three BEAUTIFUL boys!!

And I wouldn't trade it for any suite at any hotel....ever.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

A Christmas Story...The Best Gift Ever...

2011-12-11T20:30:00.001-06:00

Every year as the holidays draw near I am reminded of the importance of family...

...not just the importance, but the blessings of having a family. A family of my own, three beautiful boys and an incredible husband (a hottie to boot!)...

Earlier in the day as I was sifting through photographs from Christmas years past, I came across a picture of my brother and me. I was eight, Cal had just turned four and we were sitting in front of the Christmas tree in the apartment that we lived in with our mother just after our parents had divorced. I was all dolled up in a Christmas green sweater, curls in my bob length hair tied back in a Christmas red bow and of course my GINORMOUS round glasses. Cal was dressed in a Christmas red sweater that had his name embroidered on the front, a mischievous grin painted across his face.

You wouldn't know it from the photograph alone, but there is a story unfolding before the twinkle in our eyes...

December 1982, my mother, my brother and I had recently moved into a row of apartments located on East McCarty Drive. A two level apartment, my brother and I shared a bedroom, Barbies on one side, Hot Wheels on the other. Of course, every now and then you would find my Ken doll underneath Cal's bed, tangled in sewing thread as if he were a hostage...one of Cal's many ways of irritating me. My mother was in the kitchen, cooking up a masterpiece for the man she had been dating and obviously fallen for...tonight would be the night that she would introduce my brother and me to this man that made her heart skip.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, hairbrush in hand, admiring the bouncy curls my mother had created in my hair. I was eight years old, convinced that I would be the next Shirley Temple...I smiled my best smile at my reflection and practiced my introduction, "It is very lovely to meet you, my name is Betsy, how do you do?" I stuck my hand out at the imaginary man...oh yes, I will definitely melt his heart. My brother came barreling in the bathroom, knocking the door against my body..."CAL!!!! GET OUT! I'M GETTING READY!!" Without hearing a word I've just said, Cal grabbed his toothbrush and began to squeeze the toothpaste, dropping clumps of the thick blue paste down the side of the cabinet. Throwing my hairbrush in a tizzy, I stomped out of the bathroom and stood at the top of the stairs, "Mooooooom, Cal is bothering me!!!" Certain that my mother was ignoring my tattling I decided to simply ignore my brother and finish getting ready.

I wasn't sure what to think about the events that are about to take place. My parents divorced a year earlier, sending my brother and me into a world of unknowns, confusion and fears. My mother and my brother and I had endured so much already, moving, new babysitters, rearranged schedules...and now my brother and I would soon meet a man that our mother had been spending quite a bit of time with. A man we could clearly see made her happy, which made us happy, but at the same time it was all so much for and eight year old and a four year old to take in and understand...

I met my mother in the kitchen, watching her gracefully move about. She hummed Christmas tunes and I remember wanting to be able to sing like my mother when I grew older...like a bird, so beautifully and with confidence. The apartment was filled with smells of chocolate meringue pie and cinnamon candles that burned throughout our tiny home. The Christmas tree was decorated with homemade ornaments from elementary Christmas parties, hand me down ornaments from my grandmother and twinkling white lights. A Christmas record crackled on the record player, holiday tunes sung by John Denver, Anne Murray and Olivia Newton-John. I sat down on the sofa, careful not to disturb the decorative pillows and whispered my introduction over and over until I felt it was perfected.

The doorbell rang. Butterflies began to flitter within my tummy, the little hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end, excitement bubbling up into my throat...."He's here!!!" My mother floated into the front room, smoothing out her apron. She placed my small hand within hers and called up the stairs for my brother to come down. Cal came sliding down the stairs on his bottom and like a monkey he jumped in front of my mother and me and flung the front door open.

There stood my mother's prince...six feet four inches. He looked like a body builder, strong and lean. My mother beamed as she invited him in. "Betsy, Cal, this is Erwin." ...I extended my arm and reached for his hand, "Hello, my name is Betsy, it is very nice to meet you." Erwin smiled a warm smile and held my hand, "Hello Betsy, it is very nice to meet you too!" Cal hovered beside my mother's leg, his arms wrapped around her thigh..."And this is Cal" my mother said as she rustled his white blond hair. "Hello Cal, I'm Erwin." Cal scurried off towards the couch, jumping onto the cushions, sending the decorative pillows onto the floor...a show was about to unfold as he began to show off for this newly introduced individual!

Erwin held two wrapped gifts in his arms, "What are those?" my brother asked, "CAL!" I exclaimed, "that's so rude!" I flipped my hair, my best Pollyanna smile...Erwin sat down on the couch next to Cal and I walked over to stand beside. "These are gifts for you and your sister," Erwin handed a gift to Cal and the other to me. Without hesitation Cal ripped through the red wrappings to reveal a Dr. Sues book, "Horton Hears A Who"...tossing the book aside, Cal jumped from the couch and ran into the kitchen, wresting with a Doritos bag for a snack. I rolled my eyes, and carefully began to unwrap my gift. It was heavy and thick...the possibilities of what it might be were endless within my head...peeling back the scotch tape I slid my finger underneath the shimmering paper to reveal a children's dictionary...it must have weighed 25 pounds. "Oh thank you!" I beamed! (remember, I'm on my very best behavior here...naturally in my head I'm screaming, "WHAT?!!! A DICTIONARY??! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!?) :)

My mother called my brother back into the front room, positioning us both in front of the Christmas tree, she placed our gifts within our hands and snapped several photographs...a memory captured forever.

Conversation began and I listened to my mother laugh and swoon over Erwin's stories. Remembering my mother's suggestions of politeness, I entered the kitchen to grab a plate of cookies to offer to Erwin. I reached up to the counter top to take the plate of goodies and saw an envelope. Curious, I grabbed the envelope and read the scribble on the front, "Cinderella"...it was for my mother from Erwin..."he loves her," I whispered to myself, thinking that one day I would have my own "Prince Charming."

....December 1982...the night that Cal and I would meet the man we would call father for years to come. A man that rescued my mother, and really my brother and me. A man that would love us as his own. He would teach us right from wrong, he would instill Faith within our hearts, he would encourage us to be the best, and he would become the biggest part of our lives, one memory at a time.

The ultimate Christmas gift...no, it wasn't "Horton Hears A Who" or a 25 pound children's dictionary...it was the gift of love, understanding, patience and protection. It was the gift of a father.

Obviously this isn't the photograph I refer to in the story,

my scanner isn't working, so I chose one that I already

had on file! It's the same year!

"Excuse me Mam' - O - Gram..."

2011-11-09T02:08:00.001-06:00

Let me begin by saying that the following story could have happened to ANY one of you ladies that are reading this...

...I know that I am NOT alone in this...I am NOT oblivious to the obvious...I am NOT an idiot...

(at least that is what I am telling myself...)

I began my day yesterday with a dental appointment. I think all of you would agree that beginning the day at the dentist office is not the best way to begin a day, right? To add, I was having four (1, 2, 3, 4) cavities filled. *As a side note I would like to say that I am thirty-seven years old and I have NEVER, EVER had a cavity. Then last week I visit my dentist for an annual check up, and BAM! I have FOUR cavities.

Having four cavities filled (actually it's more like drilled, scrapped, poked, prodded, pinched, polished) required a "numbing" medication to be administered to the left side of both my bottom and top jaw. My lips felt fat, hot and tingly (at least the left half of my lips) and when I tried to talk, I sounded like a stroke victim. The entire left side of my face was numb...I couldn't feel a thing, and when I got into my car and looked in the overhead mirror, my left cheek was sagging...not only did I sound like a stroke victim, I looked like one too!

....I'm sharing with you about the dentist appointment because I need you to fully understand and vividly picture what I looked like, what I sounded like...what I felt like. And because I think (if you will agree) that I can somehow blame the numbing medication for the stupidity that I was about to display...

I left the dentist office and drove to my next doctor appointment, not really with a doctor at all, but an appointment for a mammogram. Doesn't my day just really stink so far?? I know, right!?!

...I was running a little late for my mammogram appointment so I was feeling flustered on top of feeling foolish with the left side of my face hanging, hot and tingly. I checked in with the receptionist, who gave me a clipboard and pen, asking me to fill out a "personal information" form. I sat in the cool leather chair, placed my Vera Bradly bag beside me and began to write...

"Ellyn Dudenhoeffer?" the mammogram technician called my name...

I stood, grabbed my bag and handing the clipboard over to the technician I followed her into the back room. I was guided to a dressing "stall" and the technician set out two wet wipes to wipe any and all lotion and deodorant from under my arms and around my breasts. She pointed to a pink (the official color for breast cancer awareness) hospital robe and said, (pay attention here) "Remove everything, opening goes in the front..."

Did you get that? Let me repeat what she said... "Remove everything, opening goes in the front..."

She left the stall and I began to undress....shirt, camisole, bra....dress pants, underwear (this is TRULY a miracle that I wore panties...I typically don't, but when I have doctor's appointments, I DO wear panties...because you never know....you just NEVER know).

...there I stood, naked as a jaybird...I grabbed the wet wipes, wiped the lotion and deodorant from under my arms and around my breasts and I slipped the pink hospital robe on, opening in front...

.....except the pink hospital robe wasn't a robe....it was a "top"....a sort of hospital gown that just stopped at the waist.

Well this can't be right....I was completely naked and the "robe" only covered my ta-ta's and some of my stomach...so I thought what ALL of you would have thought....she probably meant to say, "take off everything EXCEPT your panties" ....so I slipped my panties back on.

There I stood, underneath the fluorescent lighting, inside a 3 x 3 stall, freezing, wearing a pink "half" robe, opening in front, and panties.

Deep breath.

I exited the stall and walked into the dimly lit room where a large machine, undoubtedly invented by a man, stood.....waiting to poke, prod and SQUEEEEEEZE my breasts between two four inch plates of glass. I stood in silence as I waited for the technician to join me....

"Excuse me, mam?"

...I jumped a bit, started from the break in silence.

A man's voice.

I turned....and there stood a young man in a pair of dark green scrubs.

"Yes?" I responded

"Um, you can leave your pants and lower garments on..."

I looked down at my bare legs, purple and showcasing goosebumps from the cold air that was circulating...

...I didn't even bother to look back up....I was completely horrified. Of course....OF COURSE I can leave my lower garments on....because this is a mammogram....a test for your ta-ta's....this appointment has NOTHING to do with my lower region.....how. could. I. be. so. stupid?

I quietly slipped back into my stall and replaced my pants and shoes and then slipped back into the dimly lit room just in time to meet the technician who smiled at me and said, "okay, let's get started..."

This Is Why I Just Wear Spanx...

2011-10-13T07:15:00.001-05:00

Healthy living…it’s come up all around me lately. At the office we began a “Wellness Challenge,” three groups that are competing against one another in a weight loss competition – very similar to the “Biggest Loser” reality television show. Two weeks into the competition, I feel good about my eating habits (I’ve gone gluten free…although if I’m going to be real here, I must admit a cupcake or four) and I’ve even picked up a walking routine.

…Monday’s weigh in is quickly approaching and I really want to make my team proud, so I set my alarm this morning for 5:00 (by the way, anyone who wakes this early on a regular basis is a fool!) and with new tennis shoes, sassy workout pants and jacket, I made my way to the local YMCA!

Happy with myself that I was actually making an effort to be healthy and exercise, I unzipped my sassy pink jacket and hung it up on the coat rack (I didn’t want to get my sassy jacket sweaty). Full of new found energy I bounced over to the treadmill and placing both feet on the sides of the track, I began to push buttons…10 incline, 4.5 speed…..begin…..

….the track slowly began to move and I placed my feet in rhythm on the tread. Hurriedly unraveling my earphones that were connected to my IPod, my hands fumbled over the tangled mess and my IPod began to slip from my grasp. Catching the gadget in midair, one side of my earphones hit the track of the treadmill and was jammed….without thinking, I bent over to pull the wire free, lost my balance and began to slide backwards on the treadmill….hoping to gain balance, I lifted my right foot from the machine and placed in on the floor, only to have my left foot still dragging behind me, causing me to trip and fall flat on my rear.

Scarlet faced, I jumped up, looked around and gave that “Ha ha! I’m okay, no need to worry about me” look to the mass of people that saw the entire incident. I was totally over the treadmill…shame me one and screw you! So I sauntered over to the stationary bikes….seriously, what harm could I possibly do on a stationary bike?

Placing my rear in the seat, I adjusted the machine to fit my 5’9” frame and began to pedal. Within ten minutes I was really feeling the burn…it felt good….like fat was just melting off my body (gosh, if only that is how it worked). I decided to pick up the pace a little…I pedaled harder….my breath became deep and hard….sweat began dripping down my back and my forehead…..ahhhhhhhh….this was nice! My IPod was resting on the “shelf” of the bike and with my faster pedaling it began to shift and eventually it fell onto the floor causing my earphones to pull out of the devise.

…..without even thinking (because really, who would think this could happen?) I bent forward to pick up my IPod and SMACK!!!! …the pedal came spinning around and hit me in the face, creating a reaction in which I quickly raised my head up and hit the top of my head on the handle bar of the bike….

The lady next to me (witnessing the whole thing) gently said, “Ouch. That must have hurt!” ….as a side note, please don’t say anything to me when you have just watched me make a fool of myself and I’m in pain….it’s really irritating and makes me want to throw a wrench in the wheel of your stupid stationary bike, causing you to jolt to a sudden stop and possibly throw you off the dumb bike.

But I smiled and replied, “This is why I sleep in.” And with that, I grabbed my sassy jacket and holding my swollen, knotted head I left the building.

Wordless Wednesday...

2011-09-21T05:43:00.000-05:00

This is Sophia, she is my niece and I love her to the moon and back! I apologize for the blurriness of the video...she just couldn't stand still! :)

See, It's NOT All About Me...

2011-09-14T05:17:00.000-05:00

Originally posted on Thursday, October 22, 2009

See, It's NOT All About Me...

It's about my Hottie Husband too...

(I got this idea from a fellow blogger, thanks Terri! Now I seem less selfish)! ;)

1. Hottie Husbands real name is Mark. Come on, you didn't really believe his name is "hottie" did you?

2. Mark has an uncle Mark that he was named after. Although they share the same first and last name...they DO not share anything else in common. If you know who Mark's uncle Mark is, then you fully understand that statement.

3. Mark is a year younger than I. I robbed the cradle.

4. Mark is a graduate of Lincoln University with a degree in Criminal Justice.

5. When Mark and I met he was the General Manager of the Capital 4 Theatres. This is where my "free" movies began.
6. Mark is in the National Guard. He is adamant about serving his country. The National Guard is extremely important to him and he takes it very seriously.

7. I get weak in the knees for a man in uniform...therefore I think the National Guard "looks" hot on Mark! Oops...that was about me...

8. Mark is 6'4"

9. Mark is EXTREMELY intelligent. I mean seriously people...he knows EVERYTHING.

10. Mark is very strong in his Faith and has an incredible relationship with Jesus Christ.

11. Mark is not afraid to cry. It is one of the many things I love about him.

12. Mark is really witty and very funny.

13. Mark is somewhat shy...he tends to stay quiet most of the time. That may be because he can't get a word in edgewise with me around! ;)

14. Mark knows how to fix anything. Electrical, cars, remodeling, plumbing, gadgets...you name it, he can fix it.
15. Mark reads ALL the time. He has read more books than anyone I know. Maybe that is why he knows EVERYTHING!

16. Mark is an investigator for the State of Missouri. (Mark works full time for the National Guard now in the aviation division!)

17. Mark is extremely loyal, trustworthy and honest. It truly is admirable.

18. Mark is the most patient and loving father. He adores our boys!

19. Mark is an awesome cook! He also does laundry and irons all of my clothes!

20. Mark is the middle child of three. He has an older sister and a younger sister.

The list could go on and on...but then we would be getting into things like: Mark snores, Mark takes too long in the bathroom (and I'm not talking about primping), Mark doesn't understand my shoe obsession....

I love my Mark. And if I had to do it all over again...I would have picked him the first time! ;)

The Fear Of Not Mattering...

2011-09-13T01:17:00.001-05:00

Originally posted on Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Fear of Not Mattering...

We have the most AWESOME pastor at our church! As a matter of fact, he is a HUGE part of why hottie hubby and I chose to join Memorial Baptist Church. Pastor Mark is one of those people that you instantly adore...he's funny, witty, intelligent and he's YOUNG...meaning that he's hip! ;)
Pastor Mark always has stories that speak to my heart, and this past Sunday was no exception. Our church is in the beginning chapters of a new study by Max Lucado called "Fearless." (It is an amazing book, if you haven't read it I would highly recommend it!) Sunday's sermon covered chapter two of the book, "The Fear of Not Mattering." Here is a small piece from the chapter:
"Ah, there it is. There is the question. The Amazon River out of which a thousand fears flow: do we matter? We fear we don't. We fear nothingness, insignificance. We fear evaporation. We fear that in the last tabulation we make no contribution to the final sum. We fear coming and going and no one knowing."

Towards the end of Pastor Mark's sermon he told us a story. It is a story that I have told over and over in my head because it truly touched my heart. It is a story that I want to share with you because maybe it will touch you in the same way it touched me.

The story goes like this...
****
On an evening not any different from most, a competitive swimmer walked into the gym and headed towards the indoor pool. Outside the only light that shone was the light of the moon and the stars. Inside, the gym was dark and quiet. The young swimmer walked into the pool room without switching on any lights. He wanted to swim in the dark. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. You see, this young competitive swimmer had been an atheist. He didn't believe in God. He had no reason to believe. Lately he had been having second thoughts, but nothing to really verify that God truly is real. Nothing to prove to him that God had been by his side even when this young man didn't believe...

Slowly the young man climbed the ladder to the high dive. 30 feet above ground, the young man walked to the edge of the platform in the dark. He was alone with his thoughts. He had reached the end of the platform and turned to face the wall. Ready to dismount he closed his eyes and raised his arms perpendicular to his body. He took a deep breath in and slowly he opened his eyes and was stunned at the sight on the wall. Behind him a window let in the light of the moon and the young man's shadow was displayed on the wall. His body had made a Cross with his arms outstretched. He was consumed with the Spirit and he dropped to his knees at the edge of the diving board. He cried and out loud he asked for forgiveness. He cried to Jesus and asked Him to come into his heart.
Overjoyed at his new found Faith, the young man stood once again at the edge of the platform, facing the wall and stretched his arms out once again, ready to dive below. Just then, the janitor walked into the room and flipped on the light...startled the young man turned to see who was below and he realized that the pool had been drained to be cleaned....
****
Did the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? Mine did when I first heard that story. You see, we do matter. It isn't a coincidence that our bodies, arms outstretched, create the shape of the Cross. The Cross is the symbol of the triumph of good. By His sufferings on the Cross our Lord Jesus Christ washed away the sins of mankind, conquered the devil, abolished death and opened the way to eternal life for man. The Cross bears witness to God’s infinite love for sinful mankind. But the Cross is much more than a symbol; it possesses spiritual power.

Here is another piece from the chapter...

"Why does he love you so much? The same reason the artist loves his paintings or the boat builder loves his vessels. You are His idea. And God has only good ideas. 'For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago' (Eph. 2:10)"

Go out and pick up a copy of "Fearless" by Max Lucado...I promise you, you will love it!

She's Having A Baby...

2011-08-24T19:15:00.000-05:00

My last post was on July 27th and even then it was a "re-post" from the previous year...

...I only mention the date of my last post to make the point that my life has been somewhat "normal"...."low key" you might say....

Nothing "crazy" to report here.....

{insert sound of screeching tires...}

But all good things (or in my case, "normal" days) must come to an end...and my end was today....

Since hottie hubby began working for the National Guard full time, our health insurance has changed and with the change in coverage, there comes a change of doctors...

...Having to leave my beloved gynecologist (I've been with Dr. "B" from the beginning of womanhood) because he does not accept my new insurance, I searched out a new "down there" doctor, this one, a woman. I felt very comfortable with my decision and was actually excited to meet her (and let's be real...what woman actually gets excited for a gyno appointment??)

...Now...so that you can fully appreciate the happenings of my appointment and really "live" in my moment, I'm going to share with you every detail....it's important to me that you FULLY understand the craziness....

Knowing that my appointment was late morning, I took an extra long shower...and I know that all of you women that are reading this know exactly what I'm talking about...if we are going to be honest with one another, then let's speak it like it is....we all want to smell like crisp linen or a field of daisy's for our "down there" debut, right? Honestly...it's appointments with my gyno that I wish my vagina could chew a piece of gum...I know you wish the same.

Dressing for my day, I was certain to choose clothing that was quick and simple to slip on and off...nothing is worse than finishing up your gyno exam and the doctor leaves you to redress and he/she walks back in just as you are bending over, adjusting your breasts in your bra so they at least look like they are where they should be....
...I chose a pink cotton sundress with a lightweight black shrug and my gold slip on sandals. There was no point in styling my hair, so I pulled it back into a tight ponytail, put on my gold earrings and I was out the door...

I had a thirty minute drive to my new doctor's office...turning of the radio and using the quiet time during my commute, I carefully went over all the questions that I had in my head to ask my new doctor...health concerns that I wanted answers to..."can you check my thyroid?" "What do you make of the swelling in my left leg?" "I've been experiencing some heavy cramping, do you have a remedy?".....

Arriving at my appointment, I casually approached the front desk to check in...the receptionist was lovely, very personable and I immediately thought I would truly love my new gynecologist! I handed over my insurance card and information and filled out the typical "new patient" forms.

The waiting room was full of women, some pregnant, others like me...the "yearlies"...a few of the women were there for post pregnancy follow up, toting their new born babies, glowing like all new mommies do...

My name was called...."Elizabeth?".....I quickly inquired, "What's the last name?" and the nurse, holding a manila folder looked down at the colored tab on the folder and read, "Dudenhoeffer...."
...Nobody calls me Elizabeth (except for some family)....and I thought I remembered telling the receptionist when I called to make the appointment (and when I checked in moments before) that I go by Betsy....it should have been my first clue as to what was about to unfold.....

I was taken back into a small room that held a scale, a height chart on the wall, a computer and a chair. The nurse directed me to sit in the chair and she began to take my blood pressure. I was then asked to step onto the scale {really, this might be the worst part, agreed?} and after writing down my weight she asked me to stand against the wall and she wrote down my height.

Following the nurse down the hall, I was taken to an examination room, told to undress completely and put on the gown that was laying on the table, ties in front. She handed me a white sheet to lay over my lap and she stepped out of the room....

Quickly undressing, I laid my clothes neatly over the chair and slipped on the soft hospital gown, ties in front. I sat up on the table, laid the white sheet over my lap and patiently waited....
....I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise as I anticipated what was about to happen....I HATE these appointments....and the silly thoughts began to circle in my head...
...."Did I use enough deodorant?" "It's cold in here....great, now I have goosebumps and she's going to think I didn't shave my legs.." "I should have eaten something, my stomach is growling...how embarrassing!" "I hope I don't have gas...." {come on, I KNOW you think it too}

In walks my new gynecologist...my heart began to beat faster....ugh, I HATE these appointments....I smiled through gritted teeth...."Hello." She greeted me with a beautiful smile...I must admit, she made an awesome first impression....she was very personable...almost like she had known me already....

After answering a few medical history questions, I did think it was odd that my hysterectomy from two years ago was never mentioned....didn't she need to know why at the young age of thirty-five I had my uterus yanked out?? Wouldn't the fact that I no longer have a period but I still have cramping be important for her to know???

Helping me to lay back on the table, I thought it was a bit odd that she didn't begin with a breast examination....every other yearly appointment I had ever had began with the old "feel up"....but this doctor went straight to the down under....
.....hmmmmmm.......I noticed there was no "instrument" in my examination...and she was pressing quite firmly on my belly.....odd.....
.....she snapped off her gloves and very calmly said, "I will be right back Elizabeth...."

All I could hear was the ticking of the second hand on the clock that hung above the door of the sterile room that I was waiting in....

Moments later the doctor returned, "Elizabeth, I am going to have you walk down to the ultrasound room at the end of the hallway and I want to do a quick ultrasound, okay?"
.....ummmmmmmmmm.......o-kaay......what in the world is going on??? OMG, do I have a tumor??? I knew it! I have a tumor.....I'm going to die.....she obviously feels something abnormal and I'm dying.....I knew it!

I followed the doctor down to the ultrasound room and I was left with the technician in a dimly lit, small cubicle with a large ultrasound machine and an examination table....
...the technician was extra sweet..."Okay sweetheart, you just relax and I'm going to put some of this gel on your belly and we will get started, okay?" ....."yep".....

Using the ultrasound instrument, she pressed vigorously on my belly, prodding and poking to the point that I thought she might just go right through my intestines and hit the table underneath me....it hurt to say the least....it was as if she was looking for something and couldn't find it.....

With a concerned look on her face, the technician placed the instrument in it's proper place and stood, walking to the door she turned to face me and in a sugary sweet voice she explained, "Elizabeth, I'm going to go get the doctor and she will want to speak with you, you just relax honey...."

OMG....this was it.....my brand new gynecologist, who I was meeting for the very first time was about to walk in and have the horrifying job of relaying to me that I was dying from some humongous tumor that was overtaking my body and I only had a few hours to live.....

The door opened.....in walked the new doctor.....holding my manila folder of all my down under history she looked at me and opened her mouth.......here it comes.......and I braced myself.....

"Elizabeth......"

....choking back tears....."Yes???"

"What is your date of birth?"

....OMG......she feels terrible that I'm only thirty-seven and I'm dying.....she wants to know my birthday so she can tell me if I'll at least live to see thirty-eight.....

...my voice cracked...."4 - 6 - of '74"

........silence.......

"I'll be right back..." and with that, she turned and went out the door....

.....I couldn't believe it....she didn't have the heart to tell me herself....she had to get backup....I mean really, what a horrible thing to have to do by yourself....I completely understood...

The door opened again and the doctor entered once again....alone.....{tough broad}...
....there was a smile on her face....{really, she was going to try the "let's find the good in this" method???}....

"Elizabeth, you won't believe this....but there are TWO Elizabeth Dudenhoeffer's that are patients here...the other Elizabeth is pregnant...and my nurse accidentally pulled her chart....so now that I have the correct chart, YOUR chart...we can go back to the examination room and preform your yearly check up!"

EXCUSEX-MOI????? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY????

So.....AFTER ALL OF THAT.....I STILL had to have the yearly examination......

....and I didn't even BEGIN to ask how far along the other Elizabeth is in her pregnancy....
because I'm frightened of what the answer would be....

Seriously.....who else does that happen to??????

And just for the record.....I am NOT having a baby.....that factory was shut down a couple of years ago!

Repost: "Into The Light...A Tribute To My Beloved Brother..."

2011-07-27T04:35:00.001-05:00

Originally posted on Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

Seven days ago I lost my only brother...

...my heart has never felt such pain.

Cal was born on November 28, 1978...He was thirty-one years old.

...He was a very good natured baby from the start, with an even temperament and a quick and easy smile. My mother has shared with me that for the first week of my brother coming home from the hospital I relentlessly asked, "when will he go back?" :)

My greatest memory of Cal as a baby is his big ears. The family joke was to "tip toe" around our sleeping boy, as his ears were so big it was certain he could hear a pin drop!

As a boy, Cal was involved in many community activities. He was a Cub Scout, played Little League Baseball, and enjoyed attending youth activities at our church. In high school, Cal was a triple-sport athlete, playing basketball, football, and baseball! He was a tremendous talent when it came to any sport!

Four years apart, Cal and I shared so much together within the first two years of his life. Our parents divorce when Cal was two and I had just turned seven created a special bond between the two of us, as I felt the need to "mother" my baby brother, knowing he had no clue as to what was going on. Such a big, brawny baby boy, the sight of my scrawny self carrying Cal around brought laughter to those who witnessed....

...Cal and I were thick as thieves when it came to trouble...when one of us was receiving a "talking to", the other was hiding behind a piece of furniture, only to be seen by one another, giggling...which only got us into more trouble! I can hear my mother now, "is it funny?" Sometimes my brother would say, "a little bit." :)

When we lived in our apartment just after my parents divorce, my brother and I shared a bedroom. One day while we were playing Barbie's (I am certain that Cal "volunteered" with great enthusiasm) Cal pulled the head off my only Ken Barbie doll! "I will NEVER forget that you did this, and when we are old in our eighties, I will STILL remember..." and at the age of thirty-six, I still remember.

"Tickling" backs was our greatest negotiation! Laying on the family room floor, watching "Silver Spoons" and "One Day At A Time", Cal and I would bargain "tickling" time..."I'll tickle your back for two commercials, then it's my turn."

After high school, and attempting the college life (which neither of us did very well), Cal and I shared an apartment together. I had just been through my divorce, a single mother of a two year old...Cal and my son Hayden began their special connection.

Of course over the years there have been arguments, jealousy, bitterness, tears...

....but the laughter, the love and the brother/sister relationship far outweigh it all!

My brother's greatest gifts are his children that he leaves behind. Sophia, two years old and full of life! Her white blond hair, her tall lanky body, her chicken legs and her sassy attitude...she's a "Fine" through and through. Henry, just a year old, nicknamed "Hank the Tank", his chubby cheeks and his piercing blue eyes...I see so much of my brother in his precious face.

Cal...as I just shared with you a few short months ago, you were an incredible father. I am so proud of the daddy that you were. Your babies adore you...and with your memory still very much alive, they always will.

I love you so very much Cal. Know that I believed in you...
...life was difficult, but your smile and your humor kept you from ever giving up. You wanted so much for your children and for Corinn, and yet a terrible illness kept you from reaching your goals.

...Know that Mark and I will do everything we can to carry on your dreams for Sophie, Henry and Corinn. We will continue to love them as you loved them. We will provide for them in any way they need. Know that they are being protected and cared for.

I am so proud of who you were Cal. Never, ever think that I didn't love you every second you were here...

...and my love for you continues to grow, although I will now love you from afar, I know you know just how very much I love you!

Have peace dear brother...tear up the basketball courts of Heaven, catch up with your best friend Craig, and pass along hugs and kisses to Grandma and Popo...

...Wrap yourself in the love and comfort of Christ, as I know He loves you just as you were and are!

A Grievance Observed...

2011-07-26T01:51:00.001-05:00

One year ago today...

...I heard my brother's voice for the last time.

"I love you" ....were the last words I spoke to my brother...

"Love you"...were the last words spoken to me by my brother...

Three days later, my brother passed away.

I still have thoughts of...."I should have"...

...I should have gotten in the car and driven the thirty minutes it would take to visit him in the hospital...to hold his hand...to see his smile...

...I should have called him the next day and told him I loved him again...

But the truth is...nobody knew...

...we were blindsided.

I remember the day as if it were yesterday...and yet, it will be a year this Friday, July 29th.

...I remember every. single. detail.

And when I close my eyes at night, I relive each moment over....

But I also see God's work...

My therapist suggested that I record my thoughts...write down the details...

"Observe your grievance," she softly spoke...

A Grievance Observed...

The week of July 26, 2010 was sticky hot...my parents home was floor to ceiling with packed boxes, marked with various rooms for the new home they would move into at the end of the week.

Friends and students of my mother's occupied every space in the four story home that my siblings and I grew up in...chaos saturated every square inch...boxes were organized into stacks of "goodwill", "new home" and "pitch". Pick up trucks were parked in the front yard and several of the young, strong boys that were previous students of my mother's carried out heavy pieces of furniture...antiques that had been handed down throughout the years.

My brother had been admitted to the VA Hospital in Columbia, MO the week before. Living with Crohn's disease for several years, Cal had been in and out of hospitals frequently...the only real difference this time was that the doctors had given indication that they would finally do surgery (a last resort for most Crohn's patients)...

On Tuesday, July 27th I called the VA Hospital at 10:45 in the morning and asked the attendant to transfer my call to my brother's room. The phone rang twice and my brother's voice came across from the other end...

"Hello?"

"Yo! What's up?"

"Oh, I'm just sittin' back, drinkin' a daiquiri, watching the 'Price is Right', waiting for my sponge bath..."

"Hahahaha! how are you feeling today?"

"The same."

"Have they said anything about when the surgery will be?"

"No. They are trying to clear up an infection first."

"Okay...well, I might be in Columbia later this week for work, so I'll stop by if I have time."

"Okay."

"Alright....well, enjoy that daiquiri...and the sponge bath...hahaha!"

"Right."

"I love you!"

"Love you."

Click....

My sister-in-love had been staying with my boys during the day while school was out for summer vacation. Because she would go to the hospital every day and spend time with Cal, I was given a daily update when she would come to my home in the mornings to stay with the boys. In all honesty, my brothers stay in the hospital this time seemed like the "normal" routine as previous times that he was admitted...

...with all of the commotion over my parents move, every one's thoughts were focused on packing and organizing...the move itself was a huge ordeal...our parents were moving from their home of twenty-five plus years...moving from a four story home to a one level home to accommodate our ailing father, who was now in a wheelchair.

On Wednesday, July 28th, my father was sitting in the kitchen of our old home, attending to the dozens of people that were in and out among the boxes. Because of his MS, he did not have the strength to really contribute to the move, other than sitting back and barking out orders...(that's a bit of humor, he really wasn't all that bossy)...so he did what he could from his chair at the kitchen table, while snacking on kettle corn that one of the volunteers had brought to the moving "party"...

...this is where I see God's healing hand in the tragedy we would soon face....

....My father had chipped his tooth on a piece of kettle corn....it did enough damage that he needed to see a dental specialist right away....and the closest dental specialist that could see my father immediately was located in Columbia....just a few short blocks from the hospital where my brother was staying..

My mother had been so busy in the move that she had not had the opportunity to visit my brother in the hospital that week...but because my father needed to see the dental specialist the next morning, she would have the time to stop by and see my brother! (Do you see God's hand in this??)

...Thursday morning, July 29th my mother entered my brothers hospital room in the morning and spent a little over an hour with him while she waited for my father. Cal wasn't feeling well, he was in a lot of pain and his stomach was extremely swollen. His skin was pale and he asked my mother to leave because he didn't want her to see him like that...
...my mother spoke to the doctor and she was assured that they were treating an infection and then would proceed with the surgery....

Kissing my brother on his forehead, my mother told Cal that she loved him and she left his room...

...as a side note, I see God's healing hand in these particular details because had my father not chipped his tooth and needed to see a dental specialist in Columbia, my mother would not have seen my brother that morning...but rather, she did see my brother...the morning of his death...and she was able to tell him face to face that she loved him....

Late that morning my sister-in-love called me and asked if I would watch the kids (my brother's two year old daughter and one year old son) that evening so she could visit my brother and spend some time with him. Excited with the opportunity to spend time with my niece and nephew, I asked Corinn to call my cell phone when she was ready to bring the kids to me.

After work I changed my clothes and my husband and I went to my parents new home to begin unpacking boxes...in the hours before, all the furniture and boxes had been moved from my parents old home to their new home and the chaos moved right along with it all!
...at five minutes after six, as I was standing in my mother's new kitchen, unpacking her "everyday" dishes when my cell phone rang. My husband was closer to my cell phone than I was and picking it up he said, "it's Corinn..." I quickly grabbed the phone thinking that she was calling me to let me know she was on her way to bring me the kids...

"Hello?"

"Yes, Betsy? This is Michelle, Cal's nurse at the VA Hospital..."

confused I answered..."oh....hi...."

"Betsy, I'm trying to get a hold of your mother and I can't reach her...do you know where she is?"

...suddenly my stomach hurt...

"Yes, she's here at the new house, she's outside watering the plants...do you want me to get her?"

"No...actually, I need you and your mother to come to the VA Hospital."

...my stomach turned..."right now?"

"Yes."

"Why?? What's wrong? Is Cal okay?"

She hesitated...."Well.....we think he took a turn for the worse...."

"We are on our way" ....and I hung up.

Panicked I looked at my husband and said, "that was Cal's nurse, they think he took a turn for the worse....I can't tell my mom....she'll go crazy....what do I do?? Something is wrong...." I began to shake and then I headed towards the basement of my mother's home knowing that her two closest friends were unpacking boxes....my husband followed me.

...when I reached the basement I found Barb and Becky, two dear friends of my mothers, and the "head chief's" of the moving coalition that week...

...the tears came from nowhere...and they fell freely..."please help me....my brother's nurse just called and they want my mom and me to come to the hospital right now....they said Cal has taken a turn for the worse....something is wrong...I just know it....I can feel it....I can't tell my mom....help me....."

Becky looked at me and gently placed her hand on my back..."okay...it's okay, they probably are going to do his surgery now...your mom is outside, we can go tell her."

My husband calmly said that he would let my mother know that the nurse had called and that he would offer to drive us to Columbia....
...my mother reacted exactly like I thought she would...she was hysterical, asking me over and over to repeat exactly what the nurse had said to me....
...."She said that they think Cal took a turn for the worse....I don't know anymore mom....."

The next several moments are like snapshots in my mind....

*I remember getting into the backseat of my car, allowing my mother to sit in the front while my husband drove us to the hospital....we had a thirty minute drive ahead of us and it seemed like a lifetime...

*...I remember my mother using her cell phone and calling Corinn's number....
*...I remember the sound of confusion in my mother's voice (like mine) when Cal's nurse, Michelle, answered Corinn's cell phone...

*I remember my mother's side of the conversation....

"Michelle? It's Jennifer....what's going on?? ................................................. I need you to be honest with me Michelle...is Cal gone?......................................................."

*I remember the phone dropping from my mother's hand onto the floorboard of the car...I remember my mother turning to face me in the backseat and choking out the words, "Betsy.....Cal is dead."

*I remember my mother gagging like she was going to vomit.....

*I remember my mother vomiting in my car......

*I remember her violent sobs.....

I was like stone....I couldn't remember how to move.....my throat felt tight.....my eyes burned as if they were on fire.....my head began to pound.....my vision faded for a moment.....

I picked up my cell phone and dialed my biological father's phone number in Washington DC...Cal and I shared the same father....we shared the same blood....

No answer.

I dialed my biological father's cell phone....

No answer.

I called my biological father's sister, my aunt Mary.....no answer.

I called my biological father's other sister, my aunt Dixie....

"Hello?"

"Dixie....it's Betsy..." I sobbed.

"Betsy! What's wrong?"

"I can't get a hold of my dad....Dixie...I need my dad....Cal is dead."

"What!? Oh my God.....okay, Betsy...I will get in touch with your father...."

....and I hung up.

I called Becky, my bosses wife...someone that I love and adore...someone that I trust and someone that I knew could bring me comfort.....she answered the phone and I sobbed....

...I called my best friend of seventeen years and hung up when I heard her voice message greeting...and then I texted her cell phone....
...."my brother died."

Amy immediately called me back.....when we arrived at the hospital, Amy was there to comfort me.

*I remember my husband dropping my mother and me off at the front entrance of the hospital....
*I remember holding onto my mother as we entered the hospital...confused and heartbroken...

*I remember standing on the elevator and the doors opening up to the fourth floor where Cal's room was and right there, sitting in a small conference room was my sister-in-love holding my niece, embraced in a nurse's arms....Corinn's face was swollen and red....she was speechless....and when she saw my mother and me, her silent sobs were no longer silent.

....my best friend Amy scooped up Sophia (my niece) and walked with her down the hall, away from the sadness...

...My mother and Corinn walked the opposite way and turned at the end of the hallway into my brother's room. I stood....frozen. Unaware of my surroundings. I began to feel lightheaded again, so I turned and sat in a chair. My husband walked off the elevator and pulled me into his arms and held me tightly...swaying back and forth and whispering "I'm so sorry...."

My cell phone rang and it was my biological father....

"Hello?"

"Bets? What happened?"

Unable to control my crying I replied, "I don't know."

"Well, when will you know??" my father's voice was demanding...he was angry.

"I don't know." I just shock my head....

"Call me please when you find out. Where are you? Who is the doctor?"

"I don't know. We are at the VA Hospital. I don't know."

....and I hung up.

I remember Michelle, my brother's nurse walking into the waiting room where I sat with my husband, my best friend, my niece and now several of my mother's closest friends....Michelle looked at me and said, "Your mother wants you in the room with her..."

"I can't. .......I can't see him like that. .....I don't want to see him like this....."

The nurse just stood there and waited for a few moments....taking my hand in hers she knelt before me and looking me in the eyes she calmly said, "you can do this....for your mother. Be strong for your mom...."

Unconsciously I stood up and walked with the nurse down the hallway...
....snapshots....

*Standing in the doorway of my brother's hospital room, I see my brother's lifeless body....he looks like he is sleeping, except there is a tube sticking out of him mouth.

*My sister-in-love is laying in the bed with my brother, crying and yelling the word "no"....over and over....

*My mother is holding my brother's hand and her head is buried in his chest and I see her own body convulsing with sobs....

*I enter the room and I smell bleach....sanitation....I think the smell is odd.
*I feel hot and sweaty...nauceous....my throat begins to tighten....
*I walk over to my brother's body....I reach out my hand and I touch his face. His skin is cold. Pale. His eyes are not closed all the way and I bend down to look inside his eyes....and I mouth the words "I love you."

I remember having a conversation with God in my head while standing next to my brother's body....listening to my mother's cries and my sister-in-loves plea to bring him back....

"God?......I need you right now God.....I don't understand.....I need you to help me right now......God?......I need you to tell me if he is with you......I don't know God......did you take his hand in the end?....God.....did he take your hand?.........please God........I need him to know that I love him......I love him......I love him......I love you Cal......please God.......God, help me.."

I turned and saw my pastor.....and right now, as I type out the details, I am still in awe of my pastor.....my pastor who drove thirty miles to be with my family....my pastor who had never met my brother....he didn't know my brother....but he knew me...he knew my husband and our boys....he had met my parents....and he came for all of us.....he prayed for my brother.......he prayed for all of us.......

We stayed at the hospital for a few hours....late into the night. My bosses wife had driven to the hospital with my dear friend from church, Linda and the two of them held me while I cried.....

I remember when it was time to leave the hospital I held my brother's hand and squeezed it tight.....I kissed his check and I whispered...."no matter what Cal....I love you....I have always loved you....and I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the father you were to your children....I'm proud of the abundance of love you gave to others....your mistakes did not define you Cal.....I love you, I love you, I love you...."

......these are the details I remember. This is my grievance observed.

The next few days I will repost some of my posts from the healing process as it was closer to my brother's death.

Thank you to all who have touched our lives this past year with thoughts and prayers.

I Lift My Hands...

2011-07-22T05:47:00.001-05:00

Little Boy Bra...

2011-07-16T15:38:00.000-05:00

I would love for someone to share with me what a "normal" day feels like....

...because in the life of Betsy, there is no such thing as "normal!"

A "normal" Saturday for anyone else would be waking up and saying to your children...

"Be good little ones, mommy is going to run out to the mall for a few moments of 'mommy time', I'll be back in an hour."

...at least my day started out as "normal".....

All I wanted to do was to run to Victoria's Secret and purchase a new bra.

I'm tired of my "Target" bras...don't get me wrong, I adore Target...and their lingerie is perfect for our Dave Ramsey lifestyle....

....but hottie hubby is away, the kids are making me crazy and all I wanted to do was treat myself to something special...

...something that would make me feel good about myself....

...a beautiful, satin, lace-trimmed, Victoria Secret, specially fitted, bra....it sounded so "uplifting" (pun intended)

I entered Victoria's Secret...(there is nothing "secret" in that store, agreed?) and already I felt relaxed. I circled the racks of lingerie, taking my sweet time in choosing the perfect bra.

.....enter devil-child....a small boy who looked to be about four years old (old enough to know better, I think) who was running wildly in, out and under the racks, pushing bras and panties onto the floor and yelling at the top of his lungs....

I looked around for his mother...there she stood, oblivious to his actions, holding a see-through pink top with matching panties (or lack thereof) up to her body....

...I thought to myself, "sweetheart, if this is your child, I'm thinking you should steer clear from anything that might create another monster....."

The little boy grabbed a bottle of scented lotion from the glass shelf, popped the top and began squeezing the contents out onto the floor....

"Mommy! Look!"

"Just a second sweetie"...

Okay....this is NOT my problem, I thought...and I grabbed a bra in my size and walked back to the fitting room.

Closing the fitting room door, I carefully slipped off my top and hung it over the chair in the corner of the tiny space. I unhooked my "Target" bra and laid it on top of my shirt. Turning, I gently unfastened the new bra and just as I began to try it on....

....I see a small head peeping under the fitting room door....

...it was the wild child....holding tight to a half emptied lotion bottle....

"No, No!" I harshly whispered, arms crossed over my chest, new bra hanging from my waist....

Suddenly, the small boy began to wiggle his way under my fitting room door and crawled to the corner of this itsy-bitsy space....

OMGosh......

What is happening????!!!

"Go on...." I said, as if I was shooing an animal...."Go on....get!"

He sat, lotion in hand, in the corner, against the mirror, looking up at me.

"Boobs!" he yelled....

Seriously???!!! Okay, Lord...just take me now!

I grabbed at my top that was laying over the chair and began to put it on over my head, I pulled up my bra straps and I grabbed my purse and flung open the fitting room door....

.....FURIOUS, I stomped my way through the store and found the little boys mother...

"Your son is in the fitting rooms!" I snapped, continuing to walk towards the exit....

I was so angry.....BEYOND angry.....how could a mother allow her child to be so out of control??! If my kids were here they would be perfect angels...sitting sweetly against the wall, not touching anything, waiting patiently...

.......BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.......

I had crossed the store exit and was inside the open mall.....

The alarm couldn't be any louder......it sounded like a tornado warning....

...then it hit me.....

OMGosh....I was still wearing the Victoria Secret bra.....

I turned, red faced and entered back into the store....by now a VS employee was walking towards me...

I stumbled over my words, "I'm so sorry...this isn't what it looks like....I'm not a thief.....I was flustered....there is a devil child.....look, he squeezed out your lotion!" I was pointing to the "Very Sexy" Victoria Secret lotion that made a trail in and out of the racks of lingerie....

"My Target bra is in the fitting room....that boy came into my room when I was naked....I...."

the young lady smiled at me, "it's okay....I know."

I made my way back to the fitting room and changed out of the "stolen" bra.

I was too embarrassed to not buy the bra...even though the VS bra was DEFINATLY NOT in the Dave Ramsey budget at $60!!!!

But...this will "lift" you up....

....the saleslady felt so badly for me, that she gave me a 30% discount!!!

And that, dear friends, is my "normal" day!

"Kick It Kate"...

2011-07-13T05:44:00.001-05:00

Thirteen years ago I met Katie Lehenbauer...
...a spunky, free-spirited, HILARIOUS, twenty-something gal that I immediately bonded with!

Katie and I met in our "banking" adventures...both the "newbies" of a local bank, we laughed together, cried together, planned our weddings together, borrowed each other's clothes and shared secrets! "Katie-bug" was my BFF!

Shortly after Katie married, she and her husband moved to Texas. Katie's husband had taken a job offer that provided a better opportunity for their growing family.

Over the years Katie and I have frequently kept in touch through Facebook (all hail social networking!), sharing photos of our children, our homes....our lives in general!

....Four weeks ago Katie contacted me to share with me that she has been diagnosed with OsteoSarcoma...
a cancerous (malignant) bone tumor.

Although the cancer has been caught early, Katie is scheduled for eight rounds of Chemotherapy and will begin her second round today...

In the midst of Chemo treatments and dealing with her diagnosis, Katie and her husband (along with their three darling children) are moving back to Missouri, where her husband has been relocated in his job!
...Added stress, would you agree?

In effort to ENCOURAGE Katie in her fight, Katie's sister-in-law has had t-shirts, bracelets, hoodies and coolie cups made that are for sale and all the proceeds will be donated to MD Anderson OsteoSarcoma Research!

To place an order, you can email k.lehenbauer@yahoo.com

T-shirts start at $15...

For 2xl, 3xl and pocket t-shirt's add $2

Long sleeve t-shirt's $20, hoodies $25, silicone bracelets $2 or 3/$5, coolie cups $3.50 or 3/$10.

Orders will be mailed to you!

Please join me in PRAYING for this family, for complete HEALING and STRENGTH!

Support Katie....beautiful Katie!!

I love you Katie-bug!

"Daddy's Stars..."

2011-07-02T19:27:00.000-05:00

A letter to my brother...

Dear Cal,

Last night I had the most amazing time with Sophia and Henry. We laughed, we danced, we sang and we splashed in the water puddles that Nana made with the garden hose. Henry is really opening up...he is growing so quickly, and each day he looks more and more like you. A little chatter box, he has the sweetest voice and my favorite words of his are, "follow me Beth-y!" Pudgy feet, ticklish toes, fiery red hair that is as soft as silk....his smile melts my heart.

Sophia...well, you know how much I love that precious little girl. She's incredibly smart and loves to be read to. Last night as I was resting on the couch, she climbed up into my lap, placed her tiny hands on my face and very matter-of-fact like she stated, "I have an idea!" ....too cute!

Late into the evening, Nana brought out the American flag that was ceremonially folded and given to mom at your funeral. Mom had bought a glass display case to place your flag into to showcase in her living room. Calling Henry and Sophia over, Nana held your flag in her hands and she began to cry...the emotion is still very raw for her. Corinn and the kids placed their hands on the flag...gently running their fingers over each thread.

"A star..." Henry identified the shapes. Through her tears, mom shared with Sophia and Henry that the flag belonged to their daddy....

..."Daddy loves you both so very much," she caressed Henry's precious face.

"Daddy's stars," Henry touched the flag...not fully understanding at the age of two...but knowing who you are and that you love him.

Together, the four of them placed the flag into the display case (mom cleaned it with Windex first...knowing that you would have done the same thing).

...and now, on mother's walnut table that sits in the corner of her living room, carefully arranged with photos of you, sweet brother, stands a glass, triangular display case...

...showcasing "Daddy's stars..."

I love you Cal.

...And I miss you

Love always,

Wordless Wednesday...

2011-06-29T11:42:00.000-05:00

"How do I look?"

~Sophia, last summer

My Silver Lining...A "Thank You" To My Aunt Dixie...

2011-06-25T11:26:00.000-05:00

I've shared my family struggles...

....my parents divorce when I was seven, my brother two...

Watching my father walk away trapped me in unimaginable pain and emptiness, and at such a young age the words and ways to express my pain was limited...although through the years I certainly have discovered how to be heard.

...Confusion is probably the strongest state of mind emotion within children of divorce...
...questions of why?, is it me?, what happens now?....

...and certainly a disconnect from extended family.

..................

On Thursday afternoon my "silver" lining arrived on my doorstep...

...a confirmation of love....

...a feeling of acceptance...

...a gesture that offered much needed healing.

My father's sister, my aunt Dixie shipped to me two boxes of gorgeous silver, full of family history...

...pieces from my grandmother that I never had the privilege to know, as a terrible illness took her from her family years prior to my birth...

I opened the boxes and carefully unwrapped each piece...and with each piece my heart felt a greater love....

...my aunts sweet note..."from your grandmother's heart and mine...with love, Dixie."

My tears fell freely...
...releasing years of confusion...

This weekend my husband and I will polish the silver...

...we won't put it away...

We will use each piece...some will be displayed...

And with each use there will be a connection...
...a story...

....a memory.

Thank you to my aunt Dixie...

...for my "silver" lining!

The Incredibles...A Tribute to Three Incredible Fathers...

2011-06-19T19:13:00.000-05:00

Today I celebrate three amazing men...

...Happy Father's Day to hottie hubby...our boys are incredibly blessed to call you daddy. The life that you lead and the courage and strength that you display are a beautiful testament to our family. I love to sit back and watch you with our boys...teaching them, molding them and creating value within them. I couldn't ask for a better father for my children...Happy Father's Day Hottie Hubby!

...To my step-dad, Erwin...whom I have lovingly and without regret called my "dad" for twenty-eight years! You entered my life when I needed you most...a nine-year-old little girl, sheltering her four-year-old brother from the pain of feeling abandoned. You entered, tall and strong, sweeping us up like your own, loving us like we were yours....and you have continued all of these years...
...Because of you, I know what it means to truly love. Because of you, I know what goodness is. Because of you, I know what it means to follow through in your promises...
...Never have I known a man less selfish or more altruistic than you...having always put others needs before your own. Nor have I ever met a man more truthful and full of Faith...Happy Father's Day dad!!

...To my brother, Cal, who is now at home with our Lord and Savior. Life wasn't easy for Cal...often a victim to low self-esteem, Cal struggled with feeling not loved, abandoned...something only he and I could understand the depth of. What Cal didn't fully understand was the extraordinary strengths he possessed...he was the funniest person I knew, always creating laughter and smiles in every moment. He had a freakishly amazing memory...knowing birth dates, anniversaries...memories from such a young age, things we all had long forgotten. He was clearly the most organized man I knew, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), a trait he and I both shared and often laughed about! Cal was a fabulous artist...creativity simply flowed through his veins!
...But of all of Cal's strengths, it was the sort of father that he was that was the strongest, most notable attribute. Cal was the father that doted on his children...never missing their needs or wants. He loved on his kids with a love that was deep and intense, wanting them to always feel his love, to know his love.
...When Cal looked at the mother of his children you could see the vast love he had for her in his eyes, the thankfulness for the two beautiful babies she gave him...an opportunity to love his children and become the sort of father that he felt he never had...making sure his children knew how crazy in love with them he was.
...And although my brother isn't here today, I know that sweet Sophia and precious Henry can still feel their father's love...his deep, unconditional, beautiful and amazing love....Happy Father's Day Cal!

(Repost) Caraline. Take 3...

2011-06-10T05:18:00.000-05:00

Another entry in the "melanoma" journal....

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Caraline. Take 3...

Remember my "little" bestie Caraline?

...she's my burst of sunshine! Honestly, I can be in the worst mood or feel terribly ill, and Caraline can make all the ugliness go away!

The past two days have been awful for me. AWFUL. Radiation sucks! Not that anyone said it would be all rainbows and lollipops...

...I have felt lethargic and icky for the past 48 hours. I've cried until I have no more tears left.

Just when I think I can't take anymore...

...the mailman brings a letter from Caraline, who is away at camp with my boys.

Dear Betsy,

My mom said if I'm not nice to your boys this week, she will kill me. So, I'm being nice. Wink. Wink. I hope all your stuff at the hospitile is going okay. If it's not, and you die, can I have all the stuff in your office and your fake nose? Can't wait to see you when I get back!

Love,

Caraline

I love the honesty of a nine year old! Who wouldn't feel better after a letter like that? :)

(Repost) All Part Of His Plan...

2011-06-09T02:00:00.001-05:00

This is my FAVORITE post during my battle with melanoma...

...it is also the perfect example of why we should "be still and know that He is God"....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

All Part Of His Plan...

The past few weeks I've said this, over and over...

"Why did I have to get melanoma? Why do I have to battle this?"

The past few weeks I've heard this, over and over...

"God has a plan..."

This morning, I witnessed God's plan.

Both my husband and I excepted Christ in our hearts a little over a year ago. We were baptized together in May of 2009. The following December, our oldest son Hayden made the same decision and he too was baptized. Just a few short months after Hayden's decision, our youngest son Benjamin turned his life over to Christ and was baptized....

...and then there is our middle son, Jack. Jack marches to the beat of his own drum...he's on what we like to call "Jack" time. We had asked Jack several times if he was ready to make the decision to accept Christ into his heart and be baptized...he said he wasn't quite ready. Of course he believes in God, he knows God is the only way to heaven, but Jack wanted to make sure he knew exactly what it meant to be "saved" and the significance of the baptism.

So we have waited...patiently, I might add...because those that know me, know that I am an "instant gratification" kinda gal. But I never, we never, pushed Jack into the decision...we wanted him to make it all on his own...

...We continue our journey through life...and BAM! I am diagnosed with skin cancer for the seventh time! This time it's not just "skin cancer", as it has been before...this time it was melanoma...much more serious. There would be surgery to cut out the melanoma, there would be high concentration of radiation to the areas, there would be much needed rest and recuperation...

...and then God stepped in.

...Several families within our church got together and created a "scholarship" for our boys to attend a Bible camp during the week of my radiation. A camp where my boys, who have never been away from their parents for more than a night or two, would stay for six nights and seven days. A camp where they would experience God for themselves, not just because mommy and daddy believe.

I rode down to the camp with my bestie Linda (Caraline's mother) and we unpacked the boys in their assigned cabin, put together their bedding for the week and drove away...admittedly I was hesitant to leave them...this wasn't a new experience just for the boys, but a new experience for their mama as well. I worried about all the things any mother would worry about...

...will they make friends?, will they be scared?, will they sleep well?, will they shower and wear clean underwear? (okay, maybe that's just the OCD in me...but it was a true fear).

...I didn't hear from my boys all week. I prayed they would be having a great time!

Yesterday Linda picked my boys up from camp and brought them home to me. Two little tan boys emerged from Linda's car, wearing the same clothes we dropped them off in (I now know that they wore the same outfits the majority of the time and only showered twice all week! Eeek!) and ran up to me to give me hugs and kisses...

...and then Linda said, "Jack, tell your mom what happened at camp."

"I was saved. I accepted Jesus into my heart!" Jack smiled.

I can't describe to you the joy that my heart felt. This was huge! This was Jack's timing...but it was God's timing too...

...and this morning, after the sermon, my little Jack went before the church and shared with our pastor his decision. And next week Jack will be baptized.

...and now all the Dudenhoeffer's are walking the faith journey together.

....Do you see what I see?

...I was diagnosed with melanoma.

...several families from our church step forward and send our boys to Bible camp to help me through my treatments...

...Jack experiences God on his own...

...Jack is saved.

I can't help but be a little bit thankful for my diagnoses...

....It's all part of His plan.

Jack (black shirt) and Benjamin (gray shirt) with a friend they made at camp!

(Repost) Warning: Do NOT Put Cardboard Box In Oven...

2011-06-08T04:17:00.000-05:00

One year ago today...(another part of my "melanoma" journey)....

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Warning: Do NOT Put Cardboard Box In Oven...

Right.

In my defense, there was no warning on the side of the Domino's Pizza box.

But like my dad said, "there isn't a warning on the newspaper that says 'do not place in hot oven' either, but we know not to place the newspaper in the oven, right?"

Whatever.

Here's how it all went down (in flames)...

Last night I was hungry. Hottie husband was away with the National Guard, the boys are at camp for the week, so it was just me...all alone...and hungry.

I remembered there was left over pizza in the refrigerator.

I turned the oven on preheat to 400 degrees. I poured myself a Diet Dr. Pepper and I waited for the oven to heat up...

...(here is where I'm gonna pull the cancer card, for sympathy)...

...it was my first day of radiation...I was tired. I was weak. I started to feel ill...

...so the oven reached it's 400 degrees and I placed the pizza on the bottom rack...

...still in the box.

Then I went into the family room and sat down on the couch for just a moment....just long enough to shake some of the ickiness I was feeling...

...approximately 15 minutes later I awoke to the ear piercing sound of our fire alarm...

"Warning....fire! Beep Beep Beep

Warning...fire! Beep Beep Beep Warning...fire!"

I opened my eyes and all I could see was smoke...

....EVERYWHERE!

I jumped up and ran towards the kitchen...just as I turned the corner I saw the flames shooting out of the oven!!

I ran over to the oven and opened the door....flames began licking my ceiling....they were GROWING!!

I grabbed the kitchen towel and began to swat at the fire...

...(because in my head swatting at a fire would solve the problem)

As soon as the towel touched the flames, it too caught fire and I threw it to the ground...

....now the floor was on fire.

So I did what any normal, calm, grown woman would do...

....I called my mother.

Yes. I called my mother. NOT the fire department. My mother.

Brrrrrring. Brrrrrring.

Mom: "Hello?"

Me: "MOM!! OMGosh!!! MY KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!"

Mom: "WHAT?!!!?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR KITCHEN IS ON FIRE?"

Me: "SERIOUSLY? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN?"

Mom: "BETSY!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Me: "MOM!!! THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW! MY KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!"

Mom: "YOU HAVE TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!"

Click.

So...I dialed the phone...

Brrrring. Brrrrring.

Hottie Husband: "Hello?"

Me: "BABY, THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!"

Hottie Husband: "WHAT?!! YOU HAVE TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!"

Click.

Mom (storming through side entrance of my home): "OMGosh!!! BETSY!!!! DID YOU CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!?!? WHERE ARE THEY?!?!?!?!?"

Me: "MOM! I CAN'T CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! THE FIRE STARTED BEACAUSE I PUT A CARDBOARD PIZZA BOX IN THE OVEN AT 400 DEGREES!!!! HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT?"

Mom: "CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT NOW!!!"

Me (dialing 911): "MOM?!?!?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

Mom (running out of side entrance of my home): "I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE FIRE DEPARTMENT SHOWS UP, I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW I'M YOUR MOTHER, YOU PUT A CARDBOARD BOX IN A 400 DEGREE OVEN!!"

Moral of this story:

Next time order from Pizza Hut. They have non-burnable boxes.

*As a side note, my mother really didn't leave me. She was a real trooper...she even whipped me up fresh pasta with cream sauce afterwards...in her kitchen (because mine is unusable now)!

This Is Where The Healing Begins...

2011-06-07T05:52:00.001-05:00

One year ago today...

...June 7, 2010...

...I began radiation treatments to combat the melanoma I had been diagnosed with weeks earlier.

In honor of being CANCER FREE for one year I am reposting my journey...blog entries from a year ago this week...

...a reminder of how God works...

....a reminder to TRUST in Him....

Monday, June 7, 2010

Truth...

I'm unveiling my true self...
I have loved everyone's prayers and encouragement...
...I have needed everyone's prayers and encouragement.

So many of my friends and family have shared with me what an inspiration I have been...
..."always so upbeat and positive"

...."always a smile"

"you've been so strong!"

...the truth is,

I. feel. weak.

Of course I'm "upbeat", "smiling", "positive" and "strong" out there...

...it's what people who know me expect me to be.

But in here...

...inside my home...behind closed doors...

I cry. I bargain with God. I scream "it's not fair!" I feel numb. I get angry.

...But I believe in God's plan enough to know that while I am hurting, I am also healing...

in two very powerful ways...

physically...

...and spiritually.

Tears In Heaven...Isabelle Anelies

2011-05-21T20:55:00.000-05:00

I met Kelley in high school. Four years younger than I, our friendship was unusual from the start, but Kelley and I shared the same lust for life...and laughter. Thinking back, the laughter is what I remember most in our friendship. The "just-between-us" jokes...like, "have you seen the movie 'Mask'"? (I'm laughing now as I type) or the time I called a taxi to take her home before curfew and she was scared out of her mind to get into the cab...I know, it doesn't sound funny...but trust me, it was HI-LARIOUS!

As life moved on, I graduated from high school and Kelley was only beginning. While she was studying American History and Geometry, I was married and having babies. Although we didn't see near as much of one another, our friendship was still strong....

...It's been several years since I have actually seen Kelley, but thanks to today's technology, Kelley and I have been able to stay in touch with email, facebook and blogs.

Three years ago I stumbled upon Kelley's blog...and immediately became an avid follower. Like a fairytale, Kelley's blog chronicled her marriage to Richard (her Prince Charming) and their life in the big city of New York. Posts about various eateries, organic juice stands and seeing somebody famous....

...until one day Kelley's blog took on a whole new subject...BABY! Kelley and Richard were expecting their first child and now each post was a beautiful entry of doctor's appointments, heartbeats, first kicks inside her belly and finally, the birth of their beloved and beautiful Isabelle Anelies!

I couldn't wait for each new post...Isabelle coming home from the hospital, Isabelle's first stroller ride in New York City, Isabelle's first word, her first steps...her first move to a foreign country!

Kelley and Richard moved to Doha for Richards job. Kelley's fascinating life continued and the photos she posted were breathtaking...but the real joy in reading Kelley's posts came from the heartfelt and tender words she would write to her daughter...

...Kelley was an unbelievably, amazing mother. The sort of woman that others look at and think, "if only I could be half of the mother that she is..." Kelley's deep and unconditional love for her baby girl was very clear in her expression and her photos that she posted each day....

When Kelley and Richard welcomed their baby boy, Sebastian into the world, their family was like that in a Norman Rockwell painting....perfect in every way. Soon the family moved from Doha to Holland, where the four of them reside in pure happiness and joy!

.....

Sadly, this past Friday, May 20th, sweet baby Isabelle Anelies, at the age of 2 1/2 years old, went to be with our Lord. Kelley and her two children had traveled earlier in the week to the United States to visit family and on Tuesday evening, Isabelle, stopped breathing during her nap. Isabelle was put on life support until Richard could come to the US, as he had stayed behind for work. Friday morning, Kelley, Richard, and baby Sebastian said their goodbyes to precious Isabelle.

...the past 48 hours (the time since I've know of Kelley's loss) my mind has been reeling...I decided to record my thoughts here, hoping that Kelley will one day read my words and know that I've prayed without ceasing...

...these are my words for my dear, dear friend Kelley:

Sweet Kelley,

I won't pretend to know the answers...quite frankly, I struggle in my walk with Christ to understand why these things happen. What I do know is this...sometimes God allows trials and tribulations to come our way to test our faith in Him. If everything was always perfect in our lives, we might begin to wonder why there is a need for God. When my brother passed away last year, I drew closer to Christ, clinging to His love and His Word. My faith and my relationship with Christ grew deeper and stronger...I pray that the same will be true for you and Richard.

No words from me or anyone else can alleviate or lessen the real pain and anguish that you and Richard are feeling. I pray for you right now in the sure knowledge that God loves you despite what you are feeling at the moment, don't ever give up on Him....afterall, Christ felt abandoned on the Cross, but He never gave up.

God has a plan...it's difficult to understand at times, but He always has a plan. I read in your note to family and friends that sweet Isabelle's heart will now beat within a child who may not have had a life...your precious baby girl gave life to another child of God...Isabelle's life continues in her heart that will beat within another child, her life will continue in yours and Richard's heart and in the hearts of those that love her.

Know that you are being prayed for...know that your Isabelle has wings and will love you from above...and know that God is wrapping His loving arms around you, and you will once again know peace.

Much love and blessings,

~Betsy

Photo of Isabelle and her baby brother

(photo from Kelley's photo album on facebook)

Love Language...

2011-05-10T17:00:00.000-05:00

Sunday was Mother's Day...

...it was also TWELVE YEARS to the day that hottie hubby and I married!

TWELVE YEARS!! And I love hottie hubby more today than I did the day we said "I do."

Two years ago (after I turned my life around, you can read about that here), hottie hubby sent me a letter in the mail while he was away with the National Guard:

20 reasons that I love you:
1. I love the way that you light up a room.

2. I love how enthusiastic you are...at ALL times.

3. I love the way you are always concerned about others and how they feel.

4. I love your gift to me of three beautiful boys.

5. I love the way that you brag about me to other people.

6. I love the way you let me think that I'm saving you all the time.

7. I love the way that you insist that our house is perfect, no matter what.

8. I love the way you push me to do things outside my comfort zone.

9. I love the way that in everything you do, you do it all.

10. I love the way that you found a church that you loved and now it is OUR church.

11. I love the way that you insist on having it your way all the time.

12. I love that the thought of my life without you seems very bleak and boring.

13. I love the way that I live for your smile and for your laugh.

14. I love the way that you make every holiday and birthday special for everyone.

15. I love the way that you support me in my dreams and aspirations.

16. I love the way you can make things happen, even when they seem impossible.

17. I love that I have the rest of my life to enjoy you.

18. I love the sound of your voice.

19. I love the way that you can make me yearn for more.

20. I love the way......this one is secret (but I'll whisper it to you when I get home).

I keep my letter inside the top drawer of my dresser and on Sunday I pulled it out and re-read it for the millionth time!

In celebration of our TWELVE YEARS of marriage, I have made a list of my own reasons for why I love hottie hubby...

1. I love how dedicated and dependable you are in every job you have ever had.

2. I love your passion for our country and your courage to protect it through the National Guard.

3. I love the way you look in uniform... ;)

4. I love the way you make me feel beautiful.

5. I love watching you as a father.

6. I love your barbecue chicken and rib eye steaks!

7. I love that you are not afraid to show emotion.

8. I love the way you hold me when I need to be held.

9. I love how strong you are...both physically and emotionally.

10. I love that you love me for who I am...unconditional love....

11. I love the secrets that only you and I share....

12. I love when you get so tickled that you get the hiccups.

13. I love your faith, your strength through Christ and your passion to serve our God.

14. I love it when you tell me a joke and when you deliver the punch line you give that look of "get it?" at the end...

15. I love (and admire) your calmness in life.

16. I love that you are you...

17. I love the way you proposed to me....

18. I love your perseverance in life.

19. I love your intelligence.

20. I love....I'll let you know the rest of this one later tonight.... ;)

I love you Mark! You make me smile from ear to ear, each and every day! Happy Anniversary!!

Royalty...

2011-04-29T18:44:00.001-05:00

I thought that I didn't care....

...but then I found it FACINATING!

...and now I want to be a part of it all!

I told you I was royalty!

Wordless Wednesday...

2011-04-27T01:38:00.001-05:00

I love you to the moon and back...

Sophia, age 3

Re-Post: "Quilted Blessings, "Sewing" Friendships..."

2011-04-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

Originally posted on Thursday, March 25, 2010

Quilted Blessings, "Sewing" Friendships...

I believe that the Lord blesses me each and every day. Sometimes the Lord's blessings are huge and easy to spot and other times they are so small I may not even notice. Thankfully, whether I recognize those blessings or not they are there to protect me, to teach me, to encourage me, and to help me grow to be the individual that Jesus desires me to be.

Today the Lord blessed me in a BIG way.

No, I didn't win the lottery. No, I didn't win a brand new car, or an enormous home. Nobody offered to pay my bills. Oprah didn't chose me for an extreme makeover...

The Lord blessed me with an incredible friendship.

Today I met two friends for lunch. Becky, my girlfriend from church and life group (she was one of the individuals in my post yesterday) and Patti, my friend that I met in the world of blogging! Patti has a blog, Osage Bluff Quilter and she reached out to me last year and introduced herself and we ended up meeting for lunch at Arris Cafe, she even picked me up because at the time I didn't have a license due to a medical condition (epilepsy). Patti is the lady who gave me the gift of the railroad cross that her husband, the blacksmith, created for me!!

So, Becky, Patti and I met today for lunch at Arris Cafe (we love that place) and after an hour of awesome fellowship and delicious food, Patti pulled out two gifts...one for me and one for Becky!! (she met Becky through my blog and they have become friends as well...small and fantastic world, eh?)!

*As I'm typing this and thinking about what I'm about to share with you I have tears...

Patti is a quilter (she's actually EXTREMLY talented in ALL areas of life) and she hand pieced this for ME:

Breathtaking, isn't it? Incredible. Inspiring. Humbling. Beautiful. I look at this and I am reminded that my salvation is what Christ did for me on the Cross. Everything is right there, in a hand pieced work of art by a beautiful friend...it exhibits my struggles and His solution, my brokenness and His love for me in spite of it, my shameful past and my glorious future.

Patti, God blessed me in a BIG way in "sewing" a magnificent friendship between two bloggers. ;) Thank you, Thank you , THANK YOU!

Just Like Death...

2011-04-16T17:17:00.000-05:00

My family and I just returned from the most amazing and wonderful vacation in Washington DC...

...I have several "DC Vacation" posts, but today I am using my blog as an outlet...

I have so much anger, confusion and pain inside...building over the years but most recently pierced with the sharp reality of "it isn't going to change...ever"....

Last Sunday, my husband and my children and I flew out to Washington DC for our very first family vacation! It was an entire week full of "firsts"...first time my boys have flown on a plane, first time my boys have been to another state, first time for all of us to see and experience all the history within our US Capitol!

...My mother's college roommate and dear, dear friend of our family, along with her husband invited us for the week to stay in their home and tour DC. They provided tickets to every museum you can think of, along with a car for us to use while we were in the city...we spent the days together as a family and in the evenings we joined our friends for incredible dinners and more sight seeing! It was AMAZING!!!

...On Monday evening (the second night of our trip), my biological father was invited to our friend's home for a beautiful and lovely dinner! It was the first time I had seen my father since my brother passed away...

My parents divorced when I was seven and my brother was two. He left us for his secretary at the time, who shortly after became his wife. Unfortunately, when you are seven years old and your father is taken and begins a new family, the "new" wife doesn't typically start out on your "best friend" list...

...that being said, I do feel that over the years I have allowed every opportunity for a relationship between my step-mother and me, sadly, she never intended for my brother and me to be a part of her new life with our father and so there has always been resentment and anger between us. I've always felt that she was the separation between my father and me...my father and my brother. Countless vacations and business trips, a home in Florida, trips to far away places....my brother and I were never a part of their fascinating life.

My biological father is a business man...a very successful business man. Traveling all around the world, it seemed he was gone more than he was home...and when he was home and my brother and I were visiting, he seemed preoccupied with the next week's business.

Even though, my brother and I loved our father. All we ever wanted was his love, his acceptance of who we were...

...it's no secret that both my brother and I made many, many mistakes in our lives....often causing embarrassment for our parents....

...having said that, our mother and our step-father never, ever gave up on us. Of course there was disappointment, but their love was unconditional...

...I guess I could say that our father always kept in contact with me (but if I'm to be honest, I really only heard from my dad when I would call), but the last seven years of my brother's life he didn't hear from our father at all....up until the last year, with a few sporadic calls. In fact, my brother's death was the first time our father had ever met his grandson (Cal's son), who was over a year and a half....

Our father moved to Washington DC roughly eight years ago...not once have my brother and I, along with our families, ever been invited out to visit. In the eight years he has lived in DC, I've seen my father a total of four times, one of them being my brother's funeral.

My children (my father's grandchildren) don't understand the relationship...they know my father as "Cam"...not as "grandpa". In fact, my youngest son refers to his grandfather as "your father" when he asks me questions about who my father is....

....I say all of this to paint a clear picture to you of the sort of relationship my brother and I had with our biological father....a relationship (or lack thereof) that completely confused and angered my brother, robbing him of his self confidence and self worth...

...fortunately, after many years of repeated mistakes, I found the love of my life....my husband. Mark has shown me, and continues to show me, what real love is...therefore, I feel like I was able to escape a lot of the head games that come along with having a selfish father...although, I'm not completely free of the pain.

After my brother's funeral my father wrote me an email (and later sent a letter) saying that he did not wish to pursue a relationship with me or my boys any further. He was upset because at my brother's funeral, his name (my father's) was not mentioned in the service....

...the thing is, my father never introduced himself to the pastor...and the pastor only knew of our step-father, the man that has never once made us to feel like we were not his...the man who raised us since I was nine and my brother was four...the man who taught us unconditional love...

But for some reason, my biological father blamed me. He believes that I "planned" my brother's funeral so that his name would not be mentioned....sad? Completely. To begin...I didn't "plan" anything for my brother's funeral. Secondly...it wasn't about our father....it was my brother's day....a day I feel like he never got to have....he didn't have a wedding, he didn't have a graduation day....sadly, his day came due to his death....

On Monday evening, my father showed up for dinner....truthfully, I was a nervous wreck and somewhat apprehensive as to how the evening would pan out. After All, there were still fresh wounds from harsh words that were spoken after the last time I saw my father.

...Our friends put together a delicious dinner of barbecue and appetizers, potato casserole, fresh asparagus, and S'mores for dessert! The evening was gorgeous...we sat out on the patio, next to the pool...

...my father was with us for approximately two and a half hours....two and a half hours of conversation about my father. He didn't engage with my children, he didn't speak to my husband, he barely asked me about the happenings in my life....

....it was all about him.

And then he left.

Afterwards, as I sat in the guest room with my husband I realized that I don't know my father. Over the years I have felt that I knew bits and pieces of who he might be...but in that moment I discovered I don't know anything about him....

Honestly, I was okay with that. I don't really have a choice....

...unfortunately, the next few days would bring more pain and confusion...

I'm not sure if my step-mother and my biological father are jealous of the relationship that I have with my brother's wife and his children...or maybe they feel guilt for the years lost and now not gainable...but for whatever reason, my sister-in-love was called and told hurtful lies by my step-mother and my father.

I won't go into what was said to my sister-in-love....it doesn't matter what was told to her...what matters is that she was lied to...and in turn, she was hurt....and is still hurting.

Sadly, my sister-in-love is just now experiencing the hurt and the pain from my father and step-mother. It is easy to fall for their traps...they are quite convincing and have the money to "buy" love and admiration...I fell for it for years....

...and now I see. And I feel...

Last night my husband reminded me that I have to give all of this to God...for He knows the truth. Mark reminded me that my Heavenly Father has loved me since day one...never forsaking me, never leaving me....it's His love that I need to focus on....His love that I need to feel.

And so....I'm letting go....I'm letting all of it go....

....I'm handing it over to my Heavenly Father.

...as a very wise friends just recently said to me...."he's been living rent free in your head for long enough...it's time to move him out."

It's just like a death....
....another someone that I loved....that I cared for....a part of me....I, a part of him....
and I've got to let him go....

Living Like Nobody Else...

2011-04-07T17:12:00.000-05:00

I'll begin by stating that I ADORE my hottie hubby!

Hottie Hubby is the ULTIMATE gift giver! Truly...he ALWAYS puts so much thought into my gifts. In the thirteen years we have been together, I can't remember a time that I wasn't served breakfast in bed on my birthday...with heart shaped pancakes to boot!

...It's only natural (not selfish at all) that yesterday, on my 37th birthday I was a bit confused when the alarm went off and hottie hubby was snoozing in the bed next to me....

Ummmmmm, where is my breakfast in bed???

The thought occurred to me that typically I'm not a "morning" person, I'm the type that lays in the bed moaning and complaining about how tired I am for forty-five minutes...so hottie hubby probably expected the same morning "ritual" and was fully prepared to jump up with the alarm and assemble my breakfast in bed while I fussed....

....but the alarm had gone off....and hottie hubby was still snoring....

oooooohhhhhhhhhh, I get it...he wants me to shower first and while I'm showering he will put together my B&B and I'll be served while feeling all comfy and cozy in my pink fuzzy bathrobe, smelling of rose petals and vanilla...

....but when I got out of the shower....hottie hubby was STILL asleep....

Ummmmmmmmm....okay.....

*heavy sigh*

Suddenly I perked up....I get it! I bet there's a BIG surprise waiting for me upstairs!! Something like BK Bakery, fresh, hot muffins...or cinnamon coffee cake....ooooohhhhh, maybe even cannolis!!

I sprinted up the stairs and into the kitchen, still dark from the early morning but just enough illumination from the overhead stove light that I could see the silhouette of something GRAND on the kitchen table!! As I grew closer I could see a card and my excitement increased....

I placed the card to the side and quietly examined the treasure in front of me....

....Cadbury Chocolate Eggs....awesome, they are my favs!

.....Russell Stover Mint Chocolate squares....AMAZING, how did he ever find these?? I haven't had this indulgence in years!! He loves me SO much...he KNOWS they are my ABSOLUTE FAV....

....AND..........

....Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

..........huh?

........WHAT?.....

......Ummmmmm....what the????

......is this a??????

IS THIS A????

...............

...........TURKEY ROASTING PAN??????!!!!!!!!

I stood.......dumbfounded.

Silent.

There MUST be an explanation...I grabbed the card....I was sure the answer was inside....

....blah, blah, blah, blah....love you....blah, blah, blah, blah...make me happy....blah, blah, blah, blah....life wouldn't be anything without you....blah, blah, blah...

WHERE DOES IT EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS A TURKEY ROASTING PAN ON MY KITCHEN TABLE?!????

Calmly (who am I kidding...there was no calm) I entered the master bedroom...how convenient, hottie hubby was in the shower....I pulled back the shower curtain, exposing hottie hubby as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair...

Squinting with one eye opened he boasted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!"

Me: "Right...okay, let's just cut to the chase....ummmm....is that a turkey roasting pan upstairs?"

Hottie Hubby: (very excited) "YES!"

Me: "....okay. (deep breath) ...and is the turkey roasting pan my birthday gift?"

Hottie Hubby: (still excited) "Yeah, baby! You said you wanted one!"

Me: "ummmmmmmmmm, no.....no, I never said I wanted a turkey roasting pan for my birthday...."

Hottie Hubby: (excitement is dwindling a bit) "You said you wanted that 'Paula Dean' stuff from Target..."

Me: "Yes....yes, I did say I wanted the 'Paula Dean' stuff from Target...but that was for a 'hey, it's Wednesday and I really love and appreciate you' kind of gift....NOT a BIRTHDAY gift!!"

Hottie Hubby: "Well....it's a really nice roasting pan...."

I shut the shower curtain and walked away....mama always said "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".....

Honestly, at this point I was CERTAIN that it was a joke....I was POSITIVE that at some point in the day, River City Florist would show up at my office with a HUGE bouquet of pink tulips (they are my FAV!) and hottie hubby would drive up in his chariot (or Chevy Impala that I wrecked the day before) and sweep me off to my favorite restaurant for lunch....

.....I waited ALL day for the florist....

...he never came....

As I was driving home at the end of the day it all became clear to me....I was going to walk into our home and all of my family, friends....everyone that loves me would jump out and yell "SURPRISE" and my birthday would be saved!!

I braced myself for the level of enthusiasm that was surely about to unleash....

...but the boys were in the back yard playing with the neighborhood children...

.....and hottie hubby....

....hottie hubby was in our bedroom, laying on our bed...."resting his eyes"....

By now you should know that I'm a big baby....and you know what?....I don't care if you think I'm a big baby....I pouted....

yeah....you heard me....I stomped my feet, I slammed my things around....I huffed and I puffed and I acted like a five year old....

Hottie hubby opened his eyes...with a big smile he exclaimed, "there she is! There's our BIRTHDAY girl!!"

I rolled my eyes...

Hottie hubby got up and walked over to me with his arms outstretched....

....backing away I snapped (in a rather snotty way)..."whatever!"

Confused, hottie hubby stood, still offering open arms...."honey? what's the matter?"

It was almost comical....I mean, really?? Did he really not know what I was upset about??

Me: "seriously??? are you SERIOUS??? YOU GAVE ME A TURKEY ROASTER FOR MY BIRTHDAY?!?!????"

Hottie Hubby: "Baby....sweetheart....come here (wrapping me in his hottie arms)...princess, do you really not understand why I bought you a turkey roaster for your birthday?"

Me: (on the verge of tears) "no.....no, I really don't understand..."

....and then he said it....

the one phrase that explained it all....

Hottie Hubby: "Honey, we are living like nobody else, so we can LIVE like NOBODY ELSE...I bought you a practical and needed birthday gift. Dave Ramsey would totally approve...babe, we are so close to becoming debt free...okay, so this year I bought you a turkey roasting pan....but next year....maybe next year we will go on a cruise!.....do you understand?"

....and suddenly, my birthday became the BEST birthday I've EVER had!

Hottie hubby and I enrolled in Financial Peace University at the beginning of the year...working towards being debt free has brought us closer than ever! The communication and the "teamwork" has changed our marriage....

...it all made sense.

And I LOVE my new turkey roasting pan!

....I can't WAIT for hottie hubby to cook me a turkey! ;)

When You Wish Upon 37 Birthday Candles...

2011-04-05T20:04:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday...

...I can't wait to blow out my candles and make my wish(es)....

And by the way...I don't play around with my birthday wishes...and I certainly don't agree with the whole "don't tell anyone what your wish is or it won't come true" gig....

...I mean, if you don't tell anyone what your wish is, then how will it ever come true???

You know how your parents are the "Tooth Fairy", "Santa Claus", the "Easter Bunny"...(you do know that it's ALL your parents, right???)....well....they are also the "Birthday Wish Granter"....at least I think they are, I don't have confirmation on that....but they should be.....

Yeah...I announce my birthday wish(es) loudly....to everyone....because afterall, the more people that know what your birthday wish(es) are, the greater chance you have at your wish(es) coming true....

You know I'm right.

Always start your birthday wishes with "please"....it's just good manners:

Please let me win a million dollars with the lottery. Anything over a million would be cool too.
Please let Zac Efron show up at my doorstep with a dozen pink tulips and profess his undying love for me.
Please let someone pay me to blog.
Please let me wake up tomorrow morning with my high school body back and all my tight, sleazy clothing that came with it.

Now I just sit back and wait....

Crash Test Dummy...

2011-04-04T21:14:00.000-05:00

....or "Hit And Run"

...another great blog post title could be "Oops I Did It Again"...(because this IS the second time I've done this)....

I'll stick with "Crash Test Dummy"...

Monday mornings...I've never really been a "I hate Mondays" kinda gal, but today....today I ABSOLUTELY HATE MONDAYS (at least this Monday)...

My alarm screamed at 6:00 am, I hit snooze and hottie husband (who is on a temporary "vacation") turned the alarm off after the extra fifteen minutes had passed...without waking me first.

...I opened my eyes, blinked a few times and turned to check the clock sitting on my nightstand....blurry eyed I read the digital bright red letters, 7:40...I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, 7:40...I jolted upright and stretched my neck around to look once more....7:41...."WHAT?!?!?!!!" I screamed, looking over at hottie husband, peacefully snoozing under the quilt. "HEY! MARK!!!??? DID YOU TURN THE ALARM OFF???" .........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........I shoved his shoulder, "HEY!!!" ......moaning, hottie husband rolled over and replied, "what? what did you say?"

I flailed my portion of the quilt up into the air, and jumped off the mattress. For spite I yanked the entire quilt off the bed, leaving hottie husband exposed in the cool air....

Frantically I turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat to a comfortable temperature. I washed, rinsed, repeated, scrubbed my body, ran a razor over my legs (OUCH! I nicked my shin), stepped out onto the fuzzy bathmat, threw on my bathrobe and wrapped my hair into a towel.

Hottie husband waltzed into the bathroom and hoarsely asked, "what's all the fuss about?" Steaming, I chose to ignore his silly question and I began to blow dry my hair. With little time for perfection, I swept on minimum makeup, brushed through my hair and threw on a pair of slacks and a sweater...

45 minutes....I was ready to walk out the door! That's a record...I usually require 1 1/2 - 2 hours!!

Now....let me set this up for you....(in my defense):

Hottie husband leaves our house at 6:40 EVERY morning to arrive at work by 7:00 am, not to mention that he has been gone (in Arizona) for the past 4 weeks, meaning that his car has not been in the driveway AT ALL....

....I was running late, I was talking on my cell phone (I know...that's a big "no-no", but I was returning a call) and...did I mention that I was running late...meaning I was flustered....

I climbed into the drivers seat, put the keys in the ignition, laughed at my friends comment on the other end of my cell phone, put the trailblazer in reverse and put my foot on the gas....

.....CRUNCH....

I slammed on the brake! Lunging forward I realized what had happened....

I HIT HOTTIE HUSBAND'S CAR!!!!!!!!

Panic set in....

I opened the door and stepped out onto the driveway, "okay, it's probably not that bad" (for me it's all about how I think)...walking towards Mark's car my eyes began to tear up....

....a new thought popped into my head...."CRAP! Okay...so, it's REALLY bad...."

I couldn't move for a moment....I stood frozen in the driveway....how was I going to tell hottie husband that I just crashed into his car......again.....(yes, this goes back to November of 2007 and I backed into Mark's car while I was leaving for work......hmmmmm....work....it seems to be the common denominator....maybe I should quit working.....maybe that's the moral of the stories here.....)

I couldn't do it....I couldn't make myself walk back into the house and tell hottie husband......

....so I did what any sane thirty-seven year old wife would do.....I jumped back into my car and got the heck out of there!!

Approximately thirty minutes later I was sitting at my desk at work (I know, right? The very thing that caused this whole mess) when my friend and co-worker Ashley came into my office and noticed my pale face and furrowed brow....asking me if everything was okay, I explained to Ashley the events of the morning, and how I had simply driven off in my car, leaving hottie husband's car, wrecked in the driveway.

Ashley offered advice...."ummmmmmm.....don't you think that you should call him and tell him? I mean, I'm no expert on relationships and marriage, but I'm pretty sure that this could ruin it all...."

Yeah....okay....she's probably correct....probably.....

I picked up the phone, drew in a deep breath and dialed my home number....

Hottie Husband: "Good morning sunshine!"

Me: "Ah, good, you're in a pleasant mood...you know, it's so good to hear your voice....have I told you lately how crazy I am about you....how much I love and adore you....how incredibly strong and dashingly handsome you are??"

Hottie Husband: "This doesn't sound good."

Me: "What?? What do you mean? What doesn't sound good? I do love you....seriously. I love you so much....I love the way you love me....the way you make me feel beautiful....how happy you make me....how patient you are....patient...yes, that's a great quality....probably the quality that I admire most in you....you know...like when I do something really stupid or sort of....um....bad....and you always keep your calm....you understand...you are patient with me...."

Hottie Husband: "Okay Bets, what did you do?"

Me: "Well, pumpkin muffin....you know how YOU turned off the alarm this morning and it caused me to oversleep....making me late for work??......well....if YOU hadn't turned off the alarm then I wouldn't have been rushed....and if I wasn't rushed.....well....then I would have remembered that your car was behind mine in the driveway.....and I wouldn't have hit your car....."

~Crickets~

Me: "Lolipop?.....Sweetness?......Sugar booger?"

Hottie Husband: "Look, I do love you....but I'm going to hang up the phone now before I say something that I'll regret later...."

Click.

Later in the afternoon hottie husband took his car to Kemna Collision to get an estimate....

.....$1,200

On the up side.....two years ago when I hit hottie husband's car, Kemna Collision asked me to voice a radio commercial advertising their services....you can still hear that commercial today...I'm thinking that with this new "collision", Kemna will ask me to voice a second commercial....

...that's cool, right??

It's really not that bad, right??

The New York Saga...The Final Chapter

2011-03-20T14:06:00.000-05:00

Whew! It's been over a week since my last post...but I'm not apologizing...you see, hottie hubby is away. Official National Guard business...top secret...so I can't share details (honestly I don't know details)...but I can say he's been gone since the day I returned from New York City (that was March 4th) and he will not return until April 1st!!!

....Yeah...that's a LONG time. And even though we go through this every year (sometimes twice a year)...this time has been the hardest! Not in "having to do it all on my own" kind of hard...but MISSING hottie hubby...I REALLY, REALLY miss my hottie hubby!

So...in the "I'm having to do it all on my own" kind of way, I've been too busy to blog!

Let's move along...

"Just Hand Me My Purse And Nobody Gets Hurt"

*Background - On December 17, 2002 I had INTENSE back surgery. Back in those days there was no such thing as "laser" spine surgery, where you check in in the morning and by evening you are resting on your couch....no, no...this was SIX hours, cut open your back from your tail-end to your lungs (so now I have what hottie hubby lovingly refers to as the "never-ending butt crack"), pull back the spine, cut bone from the right hip, fuse to the spine and insert FOUR rods, TEN screws and a plastic vertebra....

Yeah...you feel sorry for me now, right?

So, I had this back surgery and when I was released from the hospital a WEEK later, my doctor gave me a laminated card that has a photo of the inside of my back, showcasing all the metal and outlines the details. This cards purpose is/was to be used should I ever set any metal detectors off or alarm security...

I have NEVER had to use that card...not to say that I haven't set the alarms off (that happened in my Leadership Jefferson City class when we went to tour the Supreme Court building), but in the cases where I have set off the alarms, security has always been understanding when I shared that I'm the "bionic" woman (really that's not far from the truth, as I also have a bunch of metal in my jaw...but that's another post).

However, I ALWAYS have my handy dandy card with me.

Now, on to the story....

Our last day in New York we headed to Laguardia Airport for our 4:00 pm flight. In "my" world we were running a bit behind and I was a little sweaty thinking that we may not make our flight...those that travel with me think I stress too much.

The cabbie was paid, our luggage was checked in and our photos had been matched with our tickets. There we stood in the security line, which surprisingly moved very quickly...that should have been my first clue that all hell was about to break loose....

As I approached the conveyor belt I slipped off my comfy black flats and laid them in the gray plastic bin. Next to my shoes I dropped down my watch, my bracelet and my earrings. I grabbed another gray bin and laid my purse flat, next to my IPad, which was taken out of it's case. I watched my things go through the x-ray, flashing the guts of my purse on the screen above and with clearance the two gray bins exited the other side.

The male security guard motioned for me to walk slowly though the security arch and as I did the alarm sounded....beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeep beep....

The guard motioned for me to step back. From the other side he asked me, "do you have anything in your pockets?" I replied, "I don't." He then motioned for me to walk slowly through the arch once more...

beepbeepbeepbeep beepbeepbeep beep....

Heavy sigh..."I have metal in my back, that could be what's causing the alarm to sound, if you'll hand me my purse I can show you a card..."

Behind the male security guard was a glass encased "holding cell" that had a door on the other side. He motioned for me to walk into the holding cell...to which I thought he meant, walk into the holding cell and walk through the glass door on the opposite side....so I tried that...but the door was locked...so I jiggled it....and pushed with my weight....and jiggled it again....I turned to the male guard, "um, this door is locked, I can't get through...."

To which he (not very politely) snapped, "mam, you need to stand still please. Take your hand off the door. Security will be over to "pat you down"...

(now, this might be TMI, but remember, I hadn't seen my husband in a week at this point and we only had about a 4 hour window where we would see one another before he left for 4 weeks...so I was a little "crazy" if you know what I mean)....so I replied to the guard, "Security will be over to "pat me down"??? Listen dude, don't talk dirty to me, I haven't seen my husband in a week!"

He didn't find the humor in that...

"Look, if you will just hand me my purse I can show you a card that verifies that there is metal in my back, there really isn't any need to take this any further..."

Glare.

Suddenly a female (well...I think she/he was a female...I'm pretty sure it's name tag said "Pat") walked towards me and opened the glass door....FREEDOM!!!!!

Or not....

She grabbed my arm and gruffly ordered me to follow her..."Look, I have a card in my purse that verifies that there is metal in my back....I had surgery several years back and I have a LOT of metal back there....I can show you, just hand me my purse and I can show you..."

No answer, I'm not even sure she heard me....

Just beyond the conveyor belt (where EVERYONE ELSE was grabbing there cleared items and putting on their shoes and going about their way) was an area where the female guard asked me to stand...

....for ALL THE WORLD TO SEE...

She asked me to face the wall and raise my arms...."ummmmm.....is there a curtain you can pull? Something for privacy, maybe??"

Nope...she was going to "pat me down" right there, in front of all of New York City and the passengers from all 49 other states and some from other countries, I'm sure....

So I lifted my arms and she started from the bottom and worked her way up.....

....AWKWARD......

All I could think about was how I wished I had stuck with that Jenny Craig diet....

Then the female guard asked me to turn so I was facing the crowd (which has now become an "audience" at this circus like spectacle)....

So I turned, facing humiliation, with my arms up in the air as she started from the bottom and worked her way up once more....

In all fairness, she did strike up a conversation with me...

Guard: "So, you had back surgery?"

Me: (great, here we go...) "Yes, back in 2002."

Guard: "Were you in some sort of accident or something?"

Me: (this always makes my mother so proud) "Ummmm, something like that...I actually fell off a roof."

Guard: "What?? How high was the roof?"

Me: "Ummmm, it actually wasn't that high...it was the roof over the porch of the Phi Delt house"....

Guard (yep, she's catching on now...) "The Phi Delt house, huh? Were you drinking?"

Me: (Sigh) "yes" (in a small, meek voice)

Guard: "Okay...now I can appreciate that story..."

I rolled my eyes.

Finally the humiliation, the uncomfortableness and the "Please God, take me right now" pleading was over...

As I gathered up my things I thought to myself...

....I don't even get a dinner out of this???

*Their are two morals to this story....

1. My friendly little card that details my surgery and has photos for proof.....yeah, it means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

2. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT drink your freshman year of college while standing on the porch roof of the Phi Delt house.

*As a side note, the flight from NYC to Missouri had no loose cats on board! BONUS!

The New York Saga...Part Six

2011-03-10T22:02:00.000-06:00

"Brooklyn's Finest"

Personally, this is my favorite story (aside from "Cats on a Plane" and "Bed Bugs")...

Our last appointment of the day on Tuesday was in Brooklyn, NY, specifically in "Polish Town".

The "simple" act of getting from Manhattan Island to Brooklyn is a nightmare if you are not a "true" New Yorker (take the "L" to the "G" and the "G" to Greenpoint Avenue....huh?)

A 40-minute travel and we were in Brooklyn. We hopped off the subway and it was as if we were in another world, very different from bustling Manhattan Island. We began to walk just a few blocks when we stumbled upon the street where our next appointment was located. The directions I had written down mentioned the "old Grammar school"...Greg and I spotted a church and next to the church (in the same parking lot) there was an older "school" looking building. We assumed this is where we needed to be. My directions also indicated that we should walk to the back parking lot and ring the bell on the back door...

...so we walked around the back of the building to the parking lot and found the door...but no bell. At this point of the day I was exhausted, I had walked a bazillion miles in my super cute silver 3-inch stilettos (what the heck is wrong with me?), I couldn't feel my feet and my portfolio felt as if it weighed a 1,000 pounds. I looked at Greg, "do you think this is it?" ...of course Greg thought that was the world's dumbest question, "how should I know? I've never been here!" (ummmm, yeah, but you're the grown up here and you're supposed to know...) ;)

I turned around and scoped out the surroundings. It was dark, cold, and we were completely boxed in by a tall privacy fence. There were three cars parked in odd places and absolutely no sounds other than the clicking of my heals on the rough cement...and my heart pounding because at that point all I could think about was that I was in Brooklyn, NY in a place I have never been, in a dark, cold alley and if somebody tried to kidnap me, nobody would EVER KNOW!

As I turned back around, I spotted a door with a bell at the back of the church that shared the parking lot with the school building...

Ahhhhhhhhhh......church.....I was saved! As I begin to walk towards the door, Greg started to walk in the opposite direction, out of the parking lot...

I rang the bell on the door and a loud buzzing sound rang in my ears and with a click and a snap, the door was opened. "Greg!" I yelled, "look...." Greg turned towards me from the far end of the lot and yelled back, "go ahead, go in...."

.....so I did....thinking that Greg was right behind me....

....There I was, walking down a long, long, long, dark hallway. There was a door at the end of the hallway with light coming out from beneath....my stilettos tapped the linoleum floor and echoed around me. You know that scene from "Poltergeist"???....yeah, it was like that.

....I turned to look behind me, "where is Greg???"...my palms were beginning to sweat and my heart was racing...."where am I?"

I reached the door at the end of the "tunnel" and I turned around once more, hoping to see Greg behind me...no such luck. I grabbed the doorknob and the door flew open and I stumbled my way inside....

...there in front of me sat a priest, (black suit, white collar) and sitting in two chairs in front of his desk were a man and a woman, obviously receiving some sort of counseling (um, can I sit in too?)...

....all eyes were on me....the priest spoke to me, "Yes? May I help you?" Nervously I answered, "Um....is this Church To The Aid In Need?" (don't judge, that's really the name of the prospect I was searching for)...

The priest replied matter-of-fact, "they are across the street in the old Grammar building, just ring the bell at the back door." ...."Yes, um, you see, there isn't a 'bell' and the door is locked...." I felt like a complete idiot...and where in the world was Greg????? The priest looked over to his right and there, behind a glass window sat the church secretary, "Mary" (aw, what a coincidence) "call up to Michael and let him know someone is at the back door"...(admittedly when he said Michael, I pictured John Travolta with angels wings).

"Thank you", I smiled and bowed out, allowing the couple to reconvene.

As I walked back down the long, dark, cold hallway I couldn't help but be frustrated with Greg...where was he??

I exited the back door and was fully prepared to read Greg the riot act but as I looked around...Greg was no where to be found... OH MY GOSH....Greg's been kidnapped!! He will NEVER be found! I don't know where I am!!! I need him to be on this call with me, I'm too tired to think straight!! What do I do???? Dang, my shoes are KILLING me, but they sure are super cute!

I yelled Greg's name, "GREG????????"

Just then Greg appears from the front of the building and comes strolling up the parking lot....

"Um, hello, McFly???????!!!! Where have you been? I just about met my death when I walked in on 'Michael Corleone" and some troubled couple and you were NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!!!!!!"

It's in moments like these that Greg just looks at me with a "who-are-you-and-where-did-you-come-from?" expression.

Finally, Michael showed up and he opened the door...

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, relief for my aching feet and defeated body! And then Michael (whom I was meeting for the very first time and was so excited about talking with him) squashed my sense of solace....

"Hello, I'm Michael. I'm sorry, there's no elevator in this building and my office is on the fourth floor, we will have to walk the steps...."

My jaw dropped and my shoulders sank....

Turns out Michael did NOT have angel wings....(but his hair was incredibly awesome)!

*As a side note, Greg claims that he was "looking for the front entrance" when he was no where to be found... But I know that he was just as scared as I was and he was using me as the "scare bait" and hiding in the bushes...

The New York Saga...Part Five

2011-03-09T22:01:00.002-06:00

"Mixed Marketing Message"

...continuing our "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" theme, our bizarre day did not end with Mr. Mayonnaise.

As Greg and I were walking back to our morning appointment (the one that I thought was an hour earlier) we strolled passed a young woman with a dog who appeared to be homeless. This girl looked to be a few years younger than me, hair in dread locks, what looked to be like a well fed dog (that was confusing) and a long, tan overcoat. She sat up against the wall beneath a Barnes and Noble store with a large cardboard sign decorated with large, black, block letters.

...Before I go into what the cardboard sign said, I would like to first say that I'm all for helping out the homeless, if it makes sense. I see no problem with offering a hot cup of coffee or even a meal to someone that is clearly struggling and on the street. However, I'm generally against random cash handouts, because it rarely really helps the individual.

...Back to the homeless girl....admittedly it pulls at my heart strings to see people suffer, I was totally ready to hand her a coupon for a free Fruit & Maple Oatmeal from McDonald's (fully prepared to warn her about the lunatic flipping out about the $0.38 mayonnaise) but then my eyes caught her sign....

"What the %!&#

It's just a buck!"

Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy...there goes that "pulling of the heart strings" feeling I had, and as for that coupon for free oatmeal...no way, Jose!

...I am in the marketing business, and I'm pretty sure that she should change her message...I doubt it's really working for her...

....but on the bright side, she could always meet up with Mr. Mayonnaise and give him the same advice...I mean really, $0.38 is not even half a buck, right!?

...Apparently her test marketing didn't pay off, when Greg and I walked back by after our appointment she had changed her sign..

(this wasn't her actual sign,

but it might as well have been)

The New York Saga...Part Four

2011-03-08T18:51:00.000-06:00

The continuance of
"It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"

...because New York's "world" is REALLY mad!

Ah, New York City...where the Wall Street tycoons turn out to be desperate men looking for a "short stay" that only requires twenty minutes...

...so, we left off yesterday with me walking away from the very nice, but unacceptable offer from the kind businessmen. Greg and I walked a few blocks to the end of 5th avenue, passing through Washington Square Park. If you have never been to Washington Square Park in NYC, it's a beautiful area with a magnificent arch, a fountain pit and two sets of playgrounds, for the babies and for the bigger kids, a dog run and what I can only assume a bustling drug trade.

We ended up walking into a McDonald's across the street from the park and ordered hot coffee and a small bite to eat (I need food when I take my pills...the pills keep my OCD to a minimum, but even that is still working at a high level, so just imagine if I didn't take the pills??!)....by the way, what's with the questionable look that my boss gives me every time I order a coffee? Three splenda's and 4 creamers is not out of the ordinary, right?

...so, there we are, sitting at a small table at the front of McDonald's, checking our emails, listening to phone messages and drinking our coffee...when all of the sudden insanity explodes!!!

Some dude, and he wasn't homeless (or least didn't appear to be) was pitching an all out FIT about McDonald's wanting to charge him $0.38 for mayonnaise....

....ummmmm, okay, it's early morning dude, why do you need mayonnaise? What breakfast food could you possibly put mayonnaise on? Seriously!?

So there he is...having a one sided conversation (directed towards the manager of McDonald's, who was smartly in the back) screaming at the top of his lungs that "this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. You want to charge me $0.38 for mayonnaise?!!! ARE YOU KIDDING?!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!"

....you see, NYC has an anti-terror "See Something, Say Something" campaign, and the city has a gazillion posters encouraging anyone to report suspicious activity to the proper authorities. I’m all for this kind of tattle tailing, and was wondering if I should report this obviously mentally ill man to the cop that was sitting in the Dunkin Donuts next door...

.....but then I realized this man was not completely insane when he yelled this....(my favorite part of his solo dialog)...."YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO???!!! I'M NEVER, EVER COMING BACK HERE!"

....really Mr. Mayonnaise? You'll never, ever come back to this McDonald's?? That's so sad....because I'm sure that this McDonald's, located at the end of 5th Avenue in NEW YORK CITY is going to notice that you are no longer coming in and asking for $0.38 mayonnaise....

Honestly, I was to the point of offering him the $0.38, but my own coin purse was empty...I think they charged me for the 3 splenda's and 4 creamers. How dare they! Maybe I should have offered him one of my pills....

Still more to this day...but my posts have been GINORMOUSLY LONG (as pointed out by my boss) so I'll continue this continuance tomorrow...

To be continued....again.

The New York Saga...Part Three

2011-03-07T22:01:00.000-06:00

"It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"

After the long day and night of travel we had, getting up the next morning was really difficult...at least for me...I'm not a morning person....
Coats on, portfolios in hand, we walked out onto the streets of New York City and hailed a cab (no hanging monkey from the rear view mirror!). Making good time, I glanced over my notes for this appointment (a new prospect) and saw that I had written down that Brian (that's our contact's name) wanted me to call him when we were on our way. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed the number that was scribbled on my notes (above the side note that Brian would be in a meeting until just before our appointment). Brian's voicemail answered my call..."Hi Brian, this is Betsy with Modern Litho Print and I wanted to let you know that Greg and I are on our way to your office. You are probably still in your meeting, I will call you when we get to your building. Thanks Brian!"

At twenty after nine the cab pulled up in front of the building where we would be meeting our new prospect. Eager to meet Brian face to face I jumped out of the cab while Greg paid the toll and entered the beautiful NY building. Over sized, heavy glass doors opened up to a marble lobby. The front desk was marble and cradled a dozen security monitors. A young man, looking like he was one of the "Men In Black" was dressed in black suit with a white shirt that looked to have been heavily starched. The vaulted area echoed the sounds of ladies high heels and men's dress shoes as staff continued to file in from coming off the subway. I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and pressed Brian's number that had been recorded in my phone from the first call, "Hi Brian, it's Betsy from Modern Litho Print, again. I just wanted to let you know that Greg and I are in the lobby now, we will wait here for your call or for you to come down and meet us. Thanks Brian!"

...I smiled at Greg, "he's probably still in his meeting, he will be down soon." Greg nodded with approval.

There we stood...Greg and me...leaning against the cool marble walls, people watching, commenting on the variety of dress among those that clearly worked in the building. Some were dressed in jeans and sweaters, others in pencil skirts and dress pants. The shoes were a mixture of Jimmy Choos and Sketchers with a few Payless boots taken from the sale rack, I'm sure.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Twenty minutes had passed and panic set in. In my head I was reeling..."oh my gosh, what if this guy stands me up? What if we just traveled to New York and our first appointment is a no show and it's an indication of how this whole business trip is going to turn out?????"

I looked at Greg...I swear I saw a look of "if this guy is a no show, you are in deep dodo" and my panic grew more intense. I looked away and turned my back to Greg...slowly I unzipped my portfolio to check my calendar to see if I had any "back up" prospects we could call on...at least Greg wouldn't think it was a total waste of time....

....as I opened my calendar and looked at Tuesday's appointments I gulped. Then I froze. Crap! Our first appointment...the appointment with Brian.....yeah....we were actually an hour early!! I forget about the time change...well, actually, that doesn't even make sense because we gain an hour....so that won't work for an excuse....okay, I'll admit...I goofed, so sue me!

I turned to Greg...he immediately knew, "what?"

I flashed a "I'm a complete idiot" smile and said, "ummmmmm, our appointment is actually another hour from now....ha. haha. ha."........silence.

Greg just shook his head. I think he might has sighed "unbelievable" under his breath, but I can't be for sure.

So...I picked up my cell phone, hit Brian's number for the THIRD time and left ANOTHER message...."Hahahahahahaa. haaaa. haa. Hi Brian, it's Betsy from...oh heck, you probably recognize my voice by now. Yes, well, ummmmm, we were in the lobby and the funniest thing happened....I realized our appointment isn't for another hour! Crazy, huh? Ha! So...we are going to get a cup of coffee and be back in an hour. Ha! And just so you don't have a nutty first impression of me, I'm totally blaming this on the fact that we got into NY late, late last night....after a black cat was loose on our plane and the three of us were booked for a one room hotel room....but we don't roll that way, so that was fixed...we have two rooms now...but my mattress is on the floor...probably infested with bed bugs, cause I hear that's a real problem here...so, yeah...don't think I'm crazy....cause I'm not....I promise. Okay, we'll see you in an hour! Thanks Brian."

Yeah....that shouldn't have made any impression other than professional, organized and intelligent. Right?

Okay, so that was the first "mad" event of the day. But it gets better (did you need better?)

...Greg and I walk out of the marble building and begin to make our way to the closest coffee shop. Of course we had no clue where we were or where we were going, so we looked like total tourists...so much so that two extremely nice gentlemen stopped and asked, "are you lost? Do you need help?"

Let me say first that these two men were very nicely dressed. Business suits, briefcases, long, wool overcoats, hair slicked back....total Wall Street executives.

...I smiled at the kindness of the gentleman and replied, "no, we are okay, thank you!" But the men begged to differ..."really? Because you look like tourists!" I giggled, "really? What gave it away? The look of complete confusion or the Manhattan map that I'm clutching?...We are looking for Union Square." Both gentlemen pointed to the right, "Union Square is roughly two blocks that way, you can't miss it. Where are you from?"
The four of us crossed the street together, "Jefferson City, Missouri...it's the Capitol" (I say that every time because people in NYC think that St. Louis is Missouri's Capitol...as if!) Greg and I continued to walk with the two quisitive men, "what brings you to New York?"...I quickly replied, "business". They seemed intrigued, "What kind of business are you in?" beginning to feel like we were old friends I answered, "I sell printing...what do you do? Do you have printing needs?....Because I've got about an hour before my next appointment, do you have an hour you could spend with me?" I was full of excitement at the prospect of having an opportunity to meet with these two "Donald Trump" types! Wouldn't this be the greatest sales story of all time....sales rep meets Wall Street tycoons while crossing the street and makes a million dollar sale!!

BUT...that's not what these two men had in mind....in fact, the older of the two answered my request for an hour of their time with this..."I've got an hour for a 'short stay', but really I only need twenty minutes..." He winked and smiled.

Ummmm, hello? This is not "Pretty Woman" and I am not looking for a "short stay"...I just want your printing dude! That's p-r-i-n-t-i-n-g!

Politely declining the man's offer, Greg and I parted ways with the ~~gigolos~~ executives. Fear not dear readers, the madness does not end there!

No...in fact, that was just a warm up to what the rest of the day would hold!

Because this one day could become a novel, I will allow you to rest. We will continue the insanity tomorrow...

*Before I leave you, eagerly waiting for the conclusion of day two in NYC, you should know that all turned out well with our new prospect Brian! He completely understood my mental issues and actually would like to further our conversation!

....Mental illness totally works for me! ;)

The New York Saga...Part Two

2011-03-05T20:37:00.000-06:00

Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite!

*A bit of background before we begin*

As I was packing my suitcase for my business trip to New York, hottie husband offered a warning,

"When you check into your hotel room, make certain you use the luggage rack provided in the rooms to place your suitcase. Do not, under any circumstances set you suitcase on the hotel room floor."

Giggling at his super serious facial expression and his matter-of-fact tone I buzzed back...

"Ummmmm, ooookay. Why?"

All joking aside, he responded...

"I recently saw on the news how bed bugs are a serious issue in hotels, especially in New York. There was an investigation on Dateline a few weeks ago about how the hotels are entrusting exterminators to spray the rooms, however these professionals are only spraying the beds and small areas around the beds. Meaning that the pesky critters are still hiding in places you wouldn't think of, such as corners of the room, under furniture and on the floors."

The OCD within me was triggered...I shuddered and promised I would not, under any circumstances, set my suitcase with all my belongs on the floor of the hotel room. This chic was NOT going to bring the bed bugs back to the "Show-Me State"!

~ * ~

We landed at Laguardia Airport in New York City at 1:30 in the morning. Eleven hours of travel had the three of us irritable and eager to get to our hotel and crash. Our first business appointment was scheduled for 9:30, a mere eight hours away and we would need to leave the hotel no later than 8:45 to make our destination, meaning I would need to be up and at it by 7:30 (this will all be relevant in my next post, titled "Its A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World")

The bitter cold nipped at our faces as we stood in a single file line outside the airport waiting for a cab. The line moved slowly, my suitcase weighed a ton, my body was begging me for rest and we still had a 20 minute cab ride ahead of us! Finally we loaded our bags into the back of a cab and the three of us piled in the back seat. Before giving directions to the cabbie I looked at his rear view mirror...no hanging monkey from the mirror, I made a mental note that we were good to go! (Ummmm, hello??? Have you ever seen the movie "The Bone Collector", starring Denzel Washington? In case you haven't, in the movie a married couple hops into a cab in NYC and state their destination...the cabbie has a monkey hanging from his rear view mirror and the couple ends up buried under railroad tracks under the Brooklyn Bridge....yeah, I'm not taking any chances!)

31st Street and 7th Avenue, we had arrived at our hotel. The Affinia Manhattan, our first time staying at this hotel, the lobby decor looked promising.

*I should back up a moment and offer additional background information that will play a vital role in the details of this tale...

My boss is "frugal" with his money. That's saying it nicely...there are a few other choice words I would offer, but I promised to be nice. Why is this information important, you may ask? Well....because when one works for a "frugal" boss, one must make sacrifices....such as, oh...I don't know....sharing a two room suite with one's "frugal" boss and his wife (which by the way, kudos to her for staying with this "Scrooge" for over 25 years!) In his defense, an acceptable hotel room in New York City starts at a rate of around $350 a night, so spending $700 a night for four nights is a bit crazy. So, each time I venture to NYC and my boss and his wife accompany me, we share a two room suite...and in all honesty, it's quite alright...we've done it so much now that I'm totally passed my bathroom issues (as in I don't go all week...which works out nicely because by the time I return home and finally use a restroom, I lose about four pants sizes).

Now that you are armed with this bit of background you can appreciate the rest of the story....

Where was I?.....Ah, yes...the hotel...

So, my boss, his wife and I saunter into the lobby of the Affinia Manhattan and approach the front desk. The attendant was kind, she could see we were exhausted so she did her best to make check in as quick and smooth as possible. Within her memorized welcome she offered information about the hotel restaurant located to the left of the lobby, the workout gym which houses six ellipticals and four treadmills is located on the second floor and is free for use with your hotel stay. "Your hotel room is our one room suite with a king sized bed and a couch, how many keys would you like?"

Becky and I looked at one another...Greg had wandered off to the far side of the lobby and was making small talk with the security guard. Becky quizzed the attendant, "I'm sorry, did you say one room suite? The couch pulls out to a bed, correct?" The attendant looked confused, "Yes mam, it is a one room suite, but the couch does not pull out to a bed. There is a king sized bed." Beginning to panic, I inquired a second time, "But the couch is in a separate room, right?" Still confused the attendant torted back, "No mam, the couch and the bed are in the one room...hence, the one room suite." Okay, I was in full panic mode...

Becky, in all of her calmness simply explained to the attendant that we would need a pull out couch and a separate room, she asked if we could be upgraded. The attendant began clicking away on her keyboard, searching for an available two room suite with a pull out bed. While searching, the attendant pressed the situation, "I wondered how that was going to work when you approached the front desk. I thought maybe the gentleman would be leaving or perhaps you had another reservation." I was satisfied with her assessment of the pickle we were in...at least she didn't think this was an episode of "Big Love."

After our debacle was solved we took the elevator to the eighth floor and opened the door to our two room suite. Spacious, that was my first impression. Old, but nice, was my second. The three of us looked at the couch that would pull out into my bed and laughed....should we even attempt to pull it out? Or would nuts and bolts project from their obviously rusted hinges and the whole thing collapse? The couch was dated...to say the least.

As Becky entered their room, she explained..."this is interesting." We entered the doorway and were perplexed with the layout before us. A queen sized bed, a nightstand and on the other side of the nightstand was a twin sized bed. Hmmmmmmm. Greg had a brilliant idea! "We could take the mattress off the twin sized bed and drag it into the other room and you could sleep on it while we are here." It seemed logical, and at the moment, comfortable. I let Greg and Becky drag the two ton mattress to my space...I didn't want to break a nail!

I wheeled my suitcase over to the luggage rack and hoisted it up to rest high above the floor! (Are you proud honey?)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....FINALLY, the three of us could put an end to our bizarre day and rest for the next few hours. Greg and Becky shut their door and I washed the day away in my separate bathroom (oh, did I mention there were TWO bathrooms this time!! I had my OWN BATHROOM!! No bladder infections for me this time! WhooHoo!), slipped on my pj's and sunk into the fresh sheets on my mattress on the floor.....

The room was dark. The shades were pulled. The sounds of the city that never sleeps filled the silence. I closed my eyes and withdrew a deep breath. Slowly releasing a sigh I allowed my body to go limp...

...and then BAM! A thought crossed my mind and I sat straight up on my mattress on the floor....

.....my. mattress. on. the. floor.

The floor........with my mattress.....on it.

Do you see where this is going?

Hey hottie husband....I'll be DARNED if I'm going to lay my suitcase on the bed bug ridden floor of my hotel room!

....but, did Dateline say anything about mattresses on the floor????

The New York Saga...Part One

2011-03-04T17:28:00.000-06:00

You should hang out with me more often...no, really...

..I create movie drama everywhere I go...

no, not a "romantic comedy" movie...not even an "adventure" genre....

...nope, it's straight up "Psycho" (circa 1960) movie drama.

You wouldn't believe it unless you were with me...like a "Witness" (circa 1985, starring Harrison Ford)

Fortunately...for credibility's sake, I have witnesses for the tales I'm about to spin for you. Contact me and I'll give you names and contact information ;)

This is part one of "The New York Saga"...a series of narratives recorded in chronological order, regarding my business trip to New York the week of Monday, February 28th through Friday, March 4th, 2011.

As a side note, you should know that my trip was very successful...I drummed up quite a bit of potential new business and my meetings were all positive...BUT, if something wacky and weird could happen....it did, so much so that I have enough material to blog for a week (if not more)!

Buckle up my friends, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.....

....which is a nice segway into my first story:

Cats On A Plane
(the sequel to "Snakes On A Plane")

No secrets here...I hate to fly. I'm a nervous wreck when I'm about to board a plane. My palms become sweaty, my knees lock up, my vision blurs and I begin to feel dizzy. I torture myself by imagining every terrible and scary scenario that could possibly occur during the flight...well, I thought I'd thought of every scenario...

Boy, was I wrong!

My boss, his wife and I had been hanging out in the Chicago airport for close to two hours due to a delay on our layover flight...

Surviving the flight from St. Louis to Chicago, I was feeling pretty good about the flight we were about to board. I was exhausted from the already long day, knowing that we still had a good three to four hours ahead of us. Thoughts of being able to relax and close my eyes for a bit on the next flight were aiding in my efforts to calm my nerves. Finally, the Southwest staff announced our departure and in a single file we boarded the plane.

Becky sat next to the window, Greg sat in the middle and I sat on the outside...the three of us, squeezed in the ridiculously small spaces, eager to land in New York and end our long day of travel. It was 9:30 in the evening, the sky was dark and the stars were easily visible. One by one the passengers loaded their carry ons in the overhead bins and chose their seats.

Two girls and a boy sat directly behind the three of us. In front of us sat a professional sports player, his wife, their daughter and his mother-in-law. Across the isle was a younger couple and behind them were three men, two in business attire.

The doors were secured, emergency exits were pointed out, and just in case the air pressure dropped we all were made aware how to use the oxygen masks that would fall from the ceiling of the plane...(remember, if you are traveling with someone that will need assistance you should always mask yourself first and then help others...just in case you ever travel with me...you should know that if there is ever a time we have to use the oxygen masks, I will be the individual that you will need to help. So please help yourself and then quickly care for me. Thank you, ahead of time)!

The engine roared and we began to bolt our way down the runway. This is my least favorite part of the flight (besides the landing)...it's the part where I often wonder if what I am feeling at the moment is how a face lift patient feels after surgery...you know, when the plane is traveling at a speed so fast that you can actually feel the skin on your face tightening, as if your smile (which by the way is unintentional) is stretched clear back to your ears, which are now in the back of your head. The part where the plane lifts off the ground and at that very moment you decide that you don't want to be on that plane anymore because you are certain that something is about to go wrong....

and in this case, it did.

Suddenly, as the massive metal lifted up off the ground and the wheels were pulled into their pockets...as we all sat at a 45 degree angle, climbing to 38,000 feet...the girl sitting directly behind us began FREAKING OUT...she LOST it...screaming profanities I've never even heard before. Every other word was the "F" bomb, she was PANICKED!

My first thought was, "ummmm...this isn't helping my fear of flying"...I looked at Greg and Becky who both had looks of "what does this girl know that we don't know?" The three of us began looking out at the wings of the plane, half expecting to see the gremlin from "The Twilight Zone."

Just as I turned my head to see if anyone else knew what was going on, out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of black fur dart down the isle towards the cabin of the plane. "What the...???" I leaned over the arm of my chair and looked down the isle, watching passengers leap out of their seats, kicking up their legs with screams of "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

The young girl behind us caught her breath and yelled, "MY CAT!!! MY CAT IS LOSE!!!"

Seriously...where is Ashton Kutcher? Am I being "punked?"

I looked at Greg and Becky, who were completely dumbfounded.

Suddenly, that flash of black fur zipped down the isle again, this time headed to the back of the plane....more yelps from the back end passengers and then a click of the overhead intercom and the male flight attendants voice...

"Okay! ....Who's cat is this?!!!!!"

Laughter, claps, cheers...the crowd was going wild with entertainment. We all looked back and watched as the male flight attendant grabbed a flash light and got down on his knees, positioning himself to see under the beverage cart. He set the flashlight aside and reached his hands under the cart and there was a loud screech...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! The attendant jumped back....seconds later he reached his hands under the cart once more and began to drag the cat out from his hiding place....claws deeply sunken in the carpet, ripping the treads.............ssssssssssssccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhh!

Cheers of laughter and claps of successful capture towards our heroic cat napper filled the plane...

Coming down the isle, holding the black cat about 12 inches from his body, the flight attendant approached the young girl and firmly stated..."YOU MUST KEEP YOUR CAT LOCKED UP!!!!" she replied, "I thought I did...I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen, he must have gotten out!"

Greg looked at me and said, "only with you do these sort of things happen"...

Like I said....

movie drama. And this one is titled, "Cats On A Plane"

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane...

2011-02-28T08:34:00.000-06:00

I'm off to NYC today! I'll be gone until Friday...

Lots of pictures to post and much to talk about when I return!

Stay tuned...

Oh Henry!...

2011-02-19T10:17:00.000-06:00

Last week was Henry's 2nd birthday!

The Power Of Prayer...

2011-02-15T20:42:00.000-06:00

It's a long story...

...but to quickly sum it up...

...hottie hubby and I were AMAZINGLY blessed today...

We had a HUGE prayer request answered by God today...

...someday, I'll share the story with you...

...but for now, just know...

...the POWER OF PRAYER!

1040 Reasons Uncle Sam Is Not A Hottie...

2011-02-08T15:25:00.000-06:00

Dave Ramsey is a hottie. We've established this already...

....Uncle Sam, however, is NOT a hottie.

There was a time I adored Uncle Sam. Our relationship really blossomed when I turned twenty-one and I was "on my own", free from my parental units...the first year I "filed" independently. Uncle Sam gave me a big cash bonus at the end of that year and I bought my very first sofa for my very first apartment. Every year after Uncle Sam continued to send me cash bonuses at the end of each year, and every year I bought a new "luxury" item, my first 36" color television, my first pair of Prada shoes, my first real piece of jewelry....

...then, Uncle Sam became quite the family favorite! When I gave birth to my first born son, Uncle Sam gave me an even bigger cash bonus at the end of the year! He showed his support and love for me after my divorce and I was living as a single mother...that year I used Uncle Sam's cash bonus as a down payment on a new car.

Of course there was the year that Uncle Sam was stingy with his end of the year gift, the year that I remarried...but I know that he was jealous of hottie hubby, and quite frankly Uncle Sam really made up the frugality the following year when hottie hubby and I welcomed our son Jack! And then when we welcomed Benjamin to our family that very next year....whoa! Uncle Sam was really good to us and we bought another new car!

Each year Uncle Sam has loved on our family, providing us with the means to make useless, cheap and senseless purchases...it's been a whirlwind of a relationship with dear, old, Uncle Sam...

Then we met Dave Ramsey.

Oh Dave...Dave, Dave, Dave. Easy on the eyes, hard ("strictly" speaking) on the pocketbook. "Uncle" Dave swooped into our lives and changed everything! He demanded that we make changes, things like "saving", "smart shopping", "cutting up credit cards", ....."tithing" (GASP!)....

...he even had hottie hubby and I change our W2's.....

....in the beginning it was awkward. Uncle Dave was the "black sheep" of the family, nobody really ever wanted him to be around, nobody ever talked to him...but Uncle Dave never gave up...he said things like, "live like nobody now so you can live like nobody later..." ....yeah, okay Uncle Dave, whatever that means....

...But I gotta admit, Uncle Dave has begun to grow on us....

...then Uncle Sam showed up last night.

Crap.

Uncle Sam's visit wasn't what we expected....this year....

....this year, Uncle Sam TOOK money from us!

{SCREAM}

The audacity! Who does Uncle Sam think he is? Is he jealous? Yes! Uncle Sam is jealous of Uncle Dave...

...and do you know why Uncle Sam is jealous of Uncle Dave?

(besides the fact that Uncle Dave is a hottie, of course)

...because Uncle Dave PREPARED hottie hubby and me for Uncle Sam's meanness.

In your face Uncle Sam! Uncle Dave stuck with us in the good times AND the bad, he was honest and open with us, calling us MORONS for taking your silly cash bonus at the end of every year and flaunting our ridiculous purchases! He FORCED us to SAVE our money each month for things such as your little stunt you pulled last night!

You laughed in our faces last night Uncle Sam....you pointed your creepy finger at us and taunted us with "Ha! You OWE me money! I'm TAKING your money!"

But the joke is on you crypt keeper....we will be writing you a check out of our SAVINGS and it won't really even put a dent in what we have accumulated...

...thanks to HOTTIE UNCLE DAVE RAMSEY!

Cheers to you Uncle Dave, we DO love you! We finally see the benefit of having you in our family! We want you to come to EVERY family function, EVERY family meal, you can even sleep with us....well, that's a bit awkward, but we do read your books before bed!

My Happy Heart, My Restful Soul...

2011-02-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

It's amazing what over twenty inches of snow can do for your heart...

Monday afternoon I returned home from work and it was the last time I set foot outside of our home for FOUR days (five if you count today, I have no plans on leaving the house today)! Four days confined to 1500 square feet is a LOT of "quiet" time...(did I mention that my boys were at their aunt and uncles for the week?), countless hours for a mind to toss and turn...

...in the deep hours of the nights I found myself restless, so I soothed my soul with words from a few of the books on my "must read" lists, books of encouragement, books of faith, the Bible...

and as I soaked in beautiful scripture, the words of my Father, His disciples and the wisdom in the Psalms, I came upon a verse that created new reflection within my heart...

Psalm 62:1 "My soul finds rest in God alone: My salvation comes from Him."

I whispered the words...over and over until I could close my eyes and whisper the words from deep inside, not needing the print in front of me...I whispered the words until they became engraved on my heart, forever.

What does this scripture mean to you? Do you find comfort in these words? Does this verse stir your heart and move your soul?

For me, this verse posed the question, "where does my happiness, my rest, come from?" A loaded question, for sure. If I'm going to be honest with myself (and with you) I would admit (selfishly so) that for as long as I can remember my happiness and my rest comes from what people think of me, how I look, material possessions, people that need me...all things that in the end will fail me.

...but I am finding more and more within my Christian life, that my happiness and rest comes from Him. He, who will NEVER forsake me, NEVER leave me, NEVER fail me...

My desires to please people are lessening...but my desire to please my God...it's growing! I've discovered much happiness and rest in my passionate walk with Christ, my thirst for His knowledge and wisdom, setting a Christ-like example to my family and my friends.

My snowed in sagacity is that I don't need your approval, your adulation...

...because I'm walking with Christ, and my soul finds happiness and rest in Him alone.

I Love Him, I Love Him Not, I Love Him...

2011-01-31T15:18:00.000-06:00

Dave Ramsey...

...he's a new "hottie" I love to hate.

Hottie Hubby and I enrolled in Financial Peace University (FPU) and last night was our second class. In July of last year, hottie hubby and I adopted the principles of the Dave Ramsey teachings, but registering in FPU was necessary for us to really tackle this "debt free" way of life.

Our class is large...roughly 30-35 people. Each class is held on Sunday evenings for two hours at the church we attend, although there are only three to five couple's in the class that actually attend our church.

The first hour is a video "lesson" taught by Dave Ramsey himself...the guy is in his late fifties (I'm guessing), stylish (for an older man), well spoken, really intelligent, Godly, great sense of humor and all around a total "hottie"...(again, for an older man)...

...I'm totally loving the class, and honestly, I'm loving on Dave too...but, as with most "hotties" there is much to hate too...

...Here is my Love/Hate Dave Ramsey list:

What I HATE about Dave Ramsey is...

Dave Ramsey totally sabotaged my chances at getting a new dress for the Chamber Gala!
Because of FPU, I've had to make a promise to not purchase any new pair of shoes for the year 2011...{scream!}
Dave Ramsey has wedged his way in between my decade long relationship with Target!
Dinner out has a whole new meaning...Dinner out = "dinner just came 'out' of the oven, come and get it!"
Trips to the grocery store no longer include chocolate snacks being slipped into the cart, now we have organized, checked off lists...

What I LOVE about Dave Ramsey is...

He's easy on the eyes!
He keeps me entertained with his quirky comments and great sense of humor!
LOVING that hottie hubby and I are on our way to a debt free way of living!
LOVING how this class and new way of living has really opened up the lines of communication between hottie hubby and me, it's done WONDERS in our marriage!
Meeting new people within the class has been an added bonus!

...in all honesty, Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University is the best thing that hottie hubby and I have done for ourselves. We have seen tremendous change already, and we are both looking so forward to a new way of living...like nobody else! :)

All About Sophia...

2011-01-23T14:51:00.000-06:00

There is music attached to the video,

so turn up the volume and enjoy!

Grapes & Cell Phone...

2011-01-23T12:42:00.000-06:00

Sophia turned three yesterday! Such a big girl...

...so I hosted a "Yo Gabba Gabba" birthday party (by the way, if you haven't heard of "Yo Gabba Gabba", you really should check it out...personally, I'm still trying to figure it out).

We invited our cousins, Ella and Grace to participate in the celebration...Ella is five and Grace is three.

Grace and Sophia played very well together, and watching them together was really cute...

...I guess when you are three years old and still learning to talk, the names "Grace" and "Sophia" can be difficult to pronounce....

...and so this is how the conversations were played out throughout the night:

Sophia: "Bethy (that's Betsy with a lisp), Grapes took my baby doll."

Grace: (yelling from across the room) "It's not your baby doll, Cell Phone!"

Grapes = Grace
Cell Phone = Sophia

....yeah, I totally get that.

Grapes, Bethy and Cell Phone!

Heavenly Melody...

2011-01-22T11:45:00.000-06:00

Dear Cal,

The party is over, the cake has been eaten, presents opened, dirty dishes have been washed. The "happy birthday" melody whispers through my thoughts as I rest in the recliner. My heart hurts, it is heavy with a sadness that outweighs any progress I've made in terms of healing. I rely on God, my faith to lift me back up, out of this guilt....the guilt of celebrating your daughters third birthday. Guilt of watching her face light up at the beautifully wrapped packages, all for her. Guilt of joining in on the loud and somewhat off key "happy birthday"...

...and as I watched Sophia blow out her candles, I wished for her..."allow her, dear God, to feel her daddy's love, to know that he is with her and around her at all times."

Cal, she's beautiful. The spitting image of you. She's sassy and loves all eyes to be on her...that's the auntie Betsy in her. ;) She entertains us with her hand movements and ballerina twirls when she sings...perfectly on pitch, I might add. She knows every word to every nursery rhyme song and when she tells you a story, she looks you in the face with such serious eyes. She's tall, and lean...loves to do "gymnastics" and she often pushes her baby brother around, but loving him with such intensity...(ring a bell, little brother?). I watch Sophia and Henry as if I'm watching old home movies of you and me. It makes my heart smile.

Tonight at Sophie's party we celebrated in "Yo Gabba Gabba" style...balloons, cake, ice cream and of course a never ending collection of presents galore! We invited our family and friends and we all laughed hysterically when Sophia talks to cousin Grace...she calls her "Grapes"...as in "Betsy, Grapes took my baby."

I love her so very much Cal. She brings me so much joy and peace...knowing that all the goodness in you continues within her.

Today your princess is three years old, and I know in my heart that the "happy birthday" melody is being sung by an angel from above to this little angel here below...

Much love from your big sister,

Betsy

Little Miss Diva...

2011-01-20T09:45:00.000-06:00

Guess who will be THREE on Saturday??

Sophia Cerease Veronica Fine

She's a diva, so she's having TWO parties!! :)

(she takes after her auntie)

The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon...

2011-01-15T14:11:00.000-06:00

Remember back in June when I reheated pizza in my oven?

...since that accident we have been using a toaster oven to cook....I'm not kidding.

A good crock pot has been our best friend for the past seven months...

...but the crock pot meals were beginning to bore us...

So we did what any sane, normal family would do....

...we gutted our kitchen the week before Christmas! We ate EVERY (and I mean EVERY) meal out for FOUR weeks. We gained weight from all the processed restaurant food we ate. We spent THOUSANDS of dollars on the processed restaurant food we ate...

...but we did it all as a family.

And it was TOTALY worth it....

Presenting our NEW and IMPROVED kitchen...(we still have trim to hang, outlets to install and tiles to grout, but you get the idea)

I know that not all of you can truly appreciate the HUGE change...unfortunately I wasn't organized enough to take "before" pictures, but TRUST me when I say it's a difference between NIGHT and DAY!!!

WE LOVE IT!!!!

Thanks to Howell's Carpet for installing the floor tile, Lage's Cabinets for the custom made cabinets and installation, Martellaro Marble & Granite for the granite counter tops and Lowe's for the stainless steel appliances and hottie hubby for the AWESOME tile back splash!

Wordless Wednesday...

2011-01-12T16:39:00.000-06:00

This is Henry, he's my nephew (my brother's son),

He will be two next month...

Can you tell that he just LOVES the snow...

actually, he did not LOVE the snow,

he kept saying "door!"

(as in, "I wanna go back inside)

2011 Under Construction...

2011-01-09T19:26:00.000-06:00

As the new year came upon us, most of us came up with projects for self-improvement, which typically center on health, exercise, relationships, or moral failings that we want to address, having been given yet another fresh beginning...

...I'll admit, I'm the worlds worst at "New Year's Resolutions"...the average success rate for me is about seven days.

This year I have come to the conclusion that by even stating that I have "New Year's Resolutions", I'm already setting myself up for failure, so....

...I simply made NO "New Year's Resolutions"!

Instead....

I created a list (I completely and totally heart lists, the pure organization aspect thrills me) that I can strike through when each task is accomplished.

I guess there really isn't a BIG difference between my "list" and the reference to "resolutions"...but in my head there is a HUGE difference! ;)

My list contains tasks I wish to cross out by the end of 2011

...tasks that will better my heart....

...not just my heart, but my heart for Christ.

In true "Betsy" fashion, I'm bearing it all...I'm recording my list right here, right now, on this world wide diary...

...and I'm counting on you, dear peeps, to keep me in check! I would love for you to comment or message me and hold me accountable...ask me how it's going! I figure if you show interest and inquire, I'll have no choice but to really press forward and complete my list!

Are you with me?

2011 Better Heart For Christ List:

1. Forgiveness ~ Oh!, the ever revolving door of forgiveness. I've done really well with parts of it, yet I have a whole new sin of unforgiving that has only recently come to. Inside I feel yucky, I feel anger, I feel complete and utter sadness towards people in my brother's life that chose not to "know" him while he was alive, but think they can have the privilege of "knowing" who he was, now. A big part of me wants to say to these people, "TOO LATE! You don't get the honor of knowing Cal...you had your chance, you made your choice, now move along!" It keeps me awake at night, the anger that festers within me...I know it's wrong, I pray for God's peace within me, I ask for His forgiveness...but I know until I can forgive, I am at sin with Christ. I've thought a lot about this, and I know that the anger and resentment come from knowing how Cal suffered from low self esteem, mainly from people in his life that gave up on him. I also know that this is another stage in the "grieving" process for me, the anger stage. This forgiveness business is at the top of my "better heart" list!

2. Financial ~ Hottie hubby and I are enrolled in a Dave Ramsey class that will begin at the end of this month. We started the Dave Ramsey "way of living" a few months ago and have seen TREMEDOUS change and success, but secretly I still suffer from "I want it and I want it now" syndrome. I'm hoping that this class and 2011 will allow me to better my heart towards being patient and saving up!

3. Acts of kindness ~ My goal in 2011 is to preform one act of kindness once a week. It can be towards someone I know, or someone I don't know...just a simple act that allows those in my path to know that I love them, as Christ loves me.

4. Spiritual growth ~ I've already started reading the Bible from the beginning...but the plan is to read the entire Bible in one year!

That's it...and I don't mean it like, that's it....because truthfully, that's A LOT!

I've got one thing to say to the year 2011...

BRING IT!

:)

Wordless Wednesday...

2011-01-05T08:05:00.000-06:00

This is baby Allison. Allison is four months old.

Allison was born with a heart defect and Down Syndrome.

Allison is a beautiful baby...

She brings hope, love and inspiration.

Yesterday Allison had open heart surgery...

an eight hour surgery that kept those of us

that love and adore her focused in deep, deep prayer.

Surgery went well...

but the next 24 - 48 hours are crucial for the end result.

Please join me in prayer for this gorgeous gift from God.

Allison's parents are dear friends of ours and we attend church together.

Prayers for Allison!!

Crazy Love...

2011-01-03T21:49:00.000-06:00

In the past two weeks I've heard at least a dozen people say they have read this book....

...then yesterday, over at Kelly's Korner, she mentioned the same book....

...and last week, my new friend Chris Duren (we attend church together) titled a note that she wrote "Crazy Loved".....

....so I'm thinking that God must REALLY want me to experience this "Crazy Love..."

So I bought the book....

This is the description on the back:

GOD IS LOVE. crazy, relentless all powerful love...

Does something deep inside your heart long to break free from the status quo? Are you hungry for an authentic faith that addresses the problems of our world with tangible, even radical, solutions? God is calling you to a passionate love relationship with Himself. Because the answer to religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts — it's falling in love with God. And once you encounter His love, as Francis describes it, you will never be the same.

Because when you're wildly in love with someone, it changes everything.

I'm SO excited...
Stay Tuned!

"Hit Me Baby One More Time..."

2010-12-31T22:20:00.000-06:00

...One last post in 2010....

...I can't help myself...after catching up on the blogs I "follow", I LOVED Sarah's last post of 2010 over at Life {Sweet} Life....

Happy New Year friends!! :)

Top 20 In 2010

1. What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before?

I attended a Joyce Meyer's Women's Conference and a Women of Faith Conference,

both were ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make new resolutions for 2011?

Honestly, I can't remember my 2010 New Years resolutions...that is generally the case every year,

which is why my 2011 New Year resolution is to NOT make New Year resolutions! :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but I have a few friends that are preggo!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately I lost my Uncle (he was only 50)

and my brother (he was only 31)

5. What places have you visited?

I visited New York, Chicago (OPRAH!), and Washington DC

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Simpleness. Normalcy. Less drama.

7. What date in 2010 will remain etched in your memory and why?

Sadly, July 29, 2010. The day I lost my baby brother.

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?

I have two:

a. Witnessing the baptism of my two younger sons

b. Beating melanoma

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I battled melanoma and recently a horrible case of the flu!

10. What was the biggest thing you bought?

Whatever it was, it must not have been that big...I can't think of anything outrageous...

or maybe I'm blocking it from my memory! ;)

11. Where did most of your money go?

Towards paying off debt...we became acquainted with Dave Ramsey!

12. What song will always remind you of 2010?

The theme song from "Meet Joe Black", it was my brother's favorite song and was played at his funeral...now I realize how ironic that was.

13. What do you wish you would have done more of in 2010?

Focused more. Prayed more. Healed more.

14. What do you wish you would have done less of in 2010?

Stressed less. Eaten less. Fought less.

15. What was your favorite T.V. program in 2010?

Grey's Anatomy and Y&R (my sister-in-love and I are avid watchers)!

16. What was the best book you read this year?

"Divine Nobodies" and "90 Minutes In Heaven"

17. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I turned 36 and I spent the day and evening with my family!

18. What political issue stirred you the most this year?

Politics? What's that? :)

19. Who was the best new person you met?

Hands down, the Brinkmann family. They have been life changers for us! :)

20. What Bible verse sums up your 2010 year?

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Good-Bye Old, Hello New...

2010-12-28T16:24:00.000-06:00

In Giggles & Bits tradition, let's "scooby-doo" back to the beginning of 2010 and reflect on the "best of the best" blog posts for each month...(does anyone get the scooby-doo reference?)

::By the way, for those of you who read my posts via Facebook, you will need to actually visit my blog to read the referenced posts (they are linked to the original, so all you need to do is click the title), the blog address is http://www.gigglesbits.blogspot.com/ and hey, while you are there, click on the right hand side of the page under "Follow My Faith Journey" and become a follower (I'll love you forever if you do!) :) ::

January 2010: "If The Sock Fits..." Pretty self explanatory, in other words, this post doesn't need an introduction...

February 2010: (Okay, I have a few in February that are my 'favs"!) "Conversation With Jesus" ~ dialog between the Big Man Above and myself regarding my trip to Oprah. "Girl Interrupted" ~ending my relationship with a secular therapist and beginning a new relationship with a Christian counselor! "Happy Christian Birthday To Me" ~one year celebration of giving my life over to Jesus Christ! "Therapy Tuesday" ~this is when I was still seeing my secular therapist, and looking back, now it is CLEAR to me why I needed change! ;)

::who am I kidding, the whole darn month of February is GREAT reading...so enjoy!::

March 2010: "Quilted Blessings, "Sewing" Friendships" ~my blogger friend Patti hand made me the MOST BEAUTIFUL quilted piece...check it out! "People, People Who Need People..." ~introduction to some of the most amazing people in my life! "I Witnessed A Work Of God Today" ~our son's baptism..."Betsy-isms" ~self explanatory...

::okay, March is pretty good too... ::

April 2010: "Sex And The City: Uncovered" ~LOVE this story...don't miss it!

May 2010: "The Funny Thing About Cancer.." ~"Nurse Blonde" makes an idiotic comment... "Letting Go Of The Rope" ~read on...it may do you some good!

June 2010: "Sixteen Candles" ~tribute to my hottie hubby (he's one of a kind)! "Check With Pharmacy" ~Young Target employees are so smart...."Father's Day" ~Jackson is baptized and I share the awesome qualities of my step-dad! "All Part Of His Plan" ~this is my fav of June...hands down!

The most POPULAR June 2010 post was this...(read for a good laugh): "Masked Panties"

July 2010: "There's No Place Like Home" ~my parents move from their home of 26+ years...as I re-read this post I realized that only hours later my family would be hit with another life changing event... "Another Betsy-ism" ~yep, I strike again.

August 2010: "Sailing" ::There are only seven posts in the month of August...all seven are worth the read, they all shed light on what my family and I have been healing through::

September 2010: "How EmBRAassing" ~what can I say, I'm a walking disaster, but quit witted! ;)

October 2010: "Will Work For Food" ~I thought I was doing the good...turns out the good was being done for me, what an amazing lesson and gift!

November 2010: "Calling All Angels" ~a post about true community and friends...

December 2010: "Voicemail From Heaven" ~proof that God is with us!

There it is...a year's worth of recorded moments and new memories to add to my lifetime...

...and I sing the traditional New Year's song....

(sung to the tune of "Are You Sleeping")

Hello New Year
Hello New Year
Good bye old
Good bye old
Hello New Year
Hello New Year
We're glad you're here
We're glad you're here...

Happy New Year to you and your family!!

I'm Sorry I Was So Snotty...

2010-12-26T17:06:00.000-06:00

For those of you who were at the Christmas Eve candle light service at Memorial Baptist Church...

...especially those of you who sat next to me, in front of me, behind me...pretty much within a twenty foot radius of me....

....I'm sorry I was so snotty...

I BAWLED through the entire service...approximately five minutes into the candle light service, I turned to my friend sitting behind me and asked for Kleenex (I didn't come prepared because I was CERTAIN that I was going to be strong and make it through the service without crying)....

I used all but maybe two or three tissues in the package of Kleenex that I was handed.

So, to reclaim my sanity (or at least pretend I had sanity to begin with) I would like to explain my snottiness...

I lost my brother on July 29th, his death was very unexpected and it rocked my family's world. Most of you know that already...

...Naturally I knew that the holidays were going to be difficult, my brother has been gone for only five months...his untimely death is still very new to all of us that loved him deeply.

BUT...I have been really working hard on being strong...holding myself together for my mother, my sister-in-love, my two sisters, my own children...

...so I wake up each morning and I say to myself, "you can choose what sort of day it will be...will it be a day to cry and mourn or will it be a day to smile and remember...to live like Cal would want you to live?" I choose to smile and remember...it's exactly how my brother would want me to be...

...however, I am human...and although I choose to be strong, I often cry in sadness because my heart aches to hear my brother's laugh just one more time, or to see his smile, or simply to hear his voice....

....(okay, here comes the explanation as to why I was uncontrollably crying at the Christmas Eve service)....

When my brother and I were younger we LOVED Saturday Night Live (of course back then it really was funny)! We loved "land shark", "Samurai Futaba", "The Blues Brothers", "The Coneheads" and "Roseanne Rosannadanna". But our ABSOLUTE FAVORITE was Chevy Chase...we LOVED ALL of the Chevy Chase skits....

One year for Christmas, Cal and I got the VHS tape of "The Very Best Of Chevy Chase"...we must have watched that video tape a million and one times! (Both my brother and me have very distinct, loud, contagious laughs...I can actually hear his as I type this....)

One of the skits that we would watch over and over because we thought it was hysterical, was the skit where Chevy Chase plays a Catholic priest and he is standing at an alter and he is performing communion...

**before I continue, I would like to ask our good Lord above for forgiveness...but I'm thinking He might see the humor in this as well....I hope....keep in mind, it's all just good fun.....I really know better....**

....as Chevy Chase takes the bread and breaks it he begins to say the traditional scripture, Matthew 26:26 "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."....

....only this is what Chevy Chase said, "......take and eat; this is my body....how do you like it?" (I'm giggling even as I sit here and type...it's JUST. SO. FUNNY.)

...alright, if you are not laughing...then you HAVE to google it or rent the DVD...I promise you, it is HI-LARIOUS!

...but my story doesn't end there....

...after seeing that skit as many times as my brother and I did...it then became an "inside" joke among the two of us...so, each time we participated in communion at church, we would listen to the pastor break the bread and recite the scripture, "take and eat; this is my body"... and after EVERY TIME....my brother would turn to me and whisper, "how do you like it?" and we would giggle, usually followed with a light tap on the hand and a "no-no" scowl by our mother.

Soooooooooo......

sitting in the candle light service on Christmas Eve, I knew that communion was ahead of us and I realized that for the first time there wouldn't be my brother's whisper of our "inside" joke....

....and it made me miss him.

There it is...my explanation for snotting through the church service.

....Now next time you take communion, you might think of Chevy Chase...

...and for that, I am sorry! ;)

The Greatest Gift...

2010-12-25T22:02:00.000-06:00

This Christmas I got an iPad, jewelry, make-up, clothes...everything I had ever hinted that I wanted...

...but the greatest gift ever...

...the most priceless gift...

this framed picture of my brother and me, I'm holding Henry (my brother's son) who was a newborn and Cal is holding Sophia (his daughter). I'm smiling at Sophia (most likely she was jealous that I was holding her baby brother) and Cal's smile lights up the photo!

I had never seen this photo...I don't even remember it being taken. My mother found it among her pictures and had it enlarged and framed.

Best. Gift. Ever.

I told myself I was going to be strong today, no crying over the loss of my baby brother...he would want me to enjoy this holiday...pure happiness....

...but I opened this gift and I bawled.

I miss him so much.

Thank you mama, this gift is very special to me...

....now the picture sits on my mantle, and I've starred at it for most of the night.

Merry Christmas baby brother...I'm certain that your Christmas celebration was top notch with Jesus Christ himself...what an amazing day!

Wordless Wednesday...

2010-12-22T10:25:00.000-06:00

Christmas circa 1991

Cal, Brendan (baby), Me & Jordan

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Master Bedroom (No More Willy Wonka...)

2010-12-21T16:31:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you remember all my posts where I refer to our "Willy Wonka" bed...

...remember?

Hottie hubby and I started a "remodel" of our master bedroom almost THREE YEARS ago and we slept in our family room....yes, a KING sized bed in our family room (hence the "Willy Wonka" bed...remember how Charlie's family slept in the family room in one big, giant bed?)!!

Guess what!!?!??? (And this post come late)....

WE ARE IN OUR NEW MASTERBEDROOM!!!

Now, having said that, we still need to hang the trim and install the doors....BUT...we have now GUTTED our kitchen and we are working on that (trust me, that will NOT be a three year project, in fact...we have been promised it will be completed by New Years!).

Hottie husband did all the work in our bedroom on his own.....

Enjoy, I know I do!! :)

LOVE IT!

Coming soon....

Kitchen 2010!

Togetherness...

2010-12-20T21:49:00.000-06:00

I LOVE that my family is here...

....I LOVE that we will celebrate the holidays together...

...I LOVE that we are able to heal together through the loss of a brother, a son, a father, a soul mate...

We celebrate each holiday together, but this year the togetherness will mean so much more...

My mother, my father, my two sisters, my sister-in-love, my niece and my nephew, my three boys and my incredible (hottie) husband and I will be together as we reminisce, create new memories, laugh, cry, and continue to move forward...

Thank you Lord for the amazing love that is my family. Thank you for togetherness, for the warmth of the unconditional love that I feel each and every moment I spend with my family. Thank you for the bond created between Corinn and me, the special relationship I have with Sophia, the unimaginable love I hold for Henry, the blessings of my three beautiful boys, the patience and understanding of my fabulous (hottie) husband, the laughter and light of my sister Jordan, the energy (whew!) and spunk of my sister Brendan, the AMAZING and REAL love from my step-dad, and thank you for my beautiful mother!!

I am truly, truly blessed...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

PS. I Love You....

2010-12-19T23:33:00.000-06:00

Tonight my mother cooked.

Big deal, right? Actually...yes, it IS a big deal.

Cooking for my mother is her "happy place"...
...a place she has long been away from.

So, my mother cooking a meal and having my family over to enjoy her talent...

...well, simply stated, it brings me happiness.

Eight of us enjoyed my mothers brisket, baked in a barbecue cranberry sauce. Scalloped pineapple. Green bean bundles wrapped in bacon. Homemade German waffle cookies, filled with whipping cream and drizzled in homemade chocolate sauce...

...we sat together at the family table in the "round" room, a room that is literally "round" that sits off to the side of my parents new home. Large glass windows create the walls of the "round" room and the newly polished hardwood floors glisten in the glow of the streetlight lamp.

...Laughter...the sound was so sweet, such a simple gesture, yet so rare for our family the past few months....

As the boys and my sister cleared the dinner dishes and my husband placed all the chairs back in their designated places, my mother asked me to follow her to the back room...

...quietly shutting the door for privacy, my mother reached atop the beautifully polished wooden box that holds my brother's ashes and carefully retrieved a bundle of envelopes...

"I found these this afternoon...downstairs....inside a box.

I was looking for your Christmas stockings."

She handed me the bundle of envelopes.

I sat, somewhat frozen as I realized what the envelopes were...

...letters to my mother, from my brother when he was away at boot camp in South Carolina in May of 2001. As I began to flip through the envelopes I stopped....there, in my hands, I held a stack of envelopes, written in my brother's handwriting and within the stack was a letter addressed to me.

Betsy Dudenhoeffer

1210 M****u Drive

Jefferson City, MO 65101

I looked at my mother. She began to cry, "I found it within the stack. It must have gotten lost, but now, it's yours."

I carefully pulled the letter from the others and I opened it...

Dear Butt-C, (a term of endearment between my brother and me)

     Hey, what's up! It's 1:50 am on Sat. morning, I'm in boots & camouflage working "guard duty"...this sucks :)

     I just wanted to write & tell you that I do miss you and that I am SORRY for the way I've been the last year or so...I've been a walking PBS special. :)

     I hope we can mend our troubles. :) How is your family doing?...you're not pregnant again...RU? HA!!!

     Oh, you ask "how's boot camp?"...it blows! (laughing)

     Anyway, write back if you can!

I love you,
Your brother Cal

I can't begin to tell you what filled my thoughts...
...my mind...

...my heart.

I asked my mother if I could take the letter and keep it, "of course", she replied.

You see, my brother enlisted in the US Army in May of 2001. He was sent to Fort Jackson, South Carolina for boot camp and later stationed in Junction City, Kansas. Before enlisting, Cal had been tangled in a nasty web of drugs, alcohol and shady people...the Army was his "escape" from a long line of bad decisions.

...Now I sit in my bed, the room is dark and my husband breathes slow and deep beside me. My children are nestled into their beds, eagerly anticipating the last day of school before Christmas break...

...I hold the letter my brother wrote to me over nine years ago, I've read it a dozen times....

now, I write my reply:

Dear Cow (another brotherly/sisterly term of endearment)

     Let me begin by telling you how very proud I am of you! You were an amazing father to your two precious babies. You could light up a room and make everyone laugh...not just any laugh, but a gut-wrenching, deep belly laugh. Your smile was crocked, but could bring out the smile in all of us. Your love for our mother was unique, strong, real and still lives within our mother's heart. Your heart was as big as Texas and the love you held for ALL of your family...well, we can still feel it today!

     Everyone has made mistakes Cal, including me. Without our mistakes, we wouldn't be able to grow...to learn...and to teach others. Your mistakes do not define who you were Cal.

     You are loved...even as you wait patiently above, we still love you, here from Earth. The amount of love was greatly represented at your service...over 500 people dear brother, came to honor YOU. It was YOUR day...a day I feel that you never had, but much deserved and sadly, it became a day that none of us expected, nor how we had planned "your" day to be.

     I miss you...so much that it literally hurts my heart. But I also envy you, the love you must feel from our heavenly Father, the warmth the envelops you and the unending happiness you must feel above.

     Know that I am here, representing your memory, loving on your babies...adamant that they remember you and know you by name.

Forever missing you,

Your sister Betsy

PS. I LOVE YOU!

Nativity Story, (shared in "Now" times)...

2010-12-17T09:28:00.000-06:00

This is so cute and extremely clever...

Wordless Wednesday...

2010-12-15T10:25:00.000-06:00

"The Lord gives strength to his people.

The Lord blesses his people with peace."

~ Psalm 29:11

This is our Christmas card this year, and although we have endured a rough year,

we truly have the PEACE of Christ in our lives!

We took a few "candid" shots of the boys...

this is Hayden, 14...he plays baseball.

This was my brother's baseball bat (he also played)

This is Benjamin, 9...he plays football

(he's also in drama club)

This is Jack, 10...Jack is our "scientist",

he is SUPER smart and loves figuring out

how things work! He also loves to build and create!

I am so very blessed with a beautiful family!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Re-Post...Hairy Topic

2010-12-12T20:01:00.000-06:00

(Originally posted on December 22, 2009 Hairy Topic)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Hairy Topic...

Roughly two months ago I was diagnosed with diabetes...this morning was my follow up appointment with a new doctor that I can add to my long list of doctors. This appointment was scheduled two months ago and in that time I was supposed to loose fifteen pounds ("supposed to" is the key phrase here). I was "supposed to" keep track of my blood sugars (I just purchased my glucometer last week) and I was "supposed to" write down any questions I may have concerning my newly diagnosed illness (this, I did!).

My point above is that I had a "follow up" appointment this morning with a new doctor that was "supposed to" be a "routine" check in for diabetic patients...or so I thought....

So...imagine my surprise when Dr. McDreamy (yep, he's pretty hot) asked me if I had any swelling in my legs and feet and when I answered, "I used to, but Dr. Family Physician prescribed me a diuretic," Dr. McDreamy responded with, "let me take a look." HORROR....ummmm.....how do you say, "I haven't shaved my legs since, oh, I don't know...October?" in the most classy way???

Real women don't shave their legs on a regular basis...especially when it's twenty degrees outside and there is no need to wear short skirts! Real women are married to real men that don't mind that their wives don't shave their legs in the winter (our bed is in our family room for crying out loud...it's not like there is any reason to shave my legs...if you know what I mean).

There I was...pant legs pulled up, apologizing profusely for my hairy legs...and then it hit me...what kind of woman am I?? Who am I trying to fool, "real women don't shave their legs..."...I'm going home to shave my legs right now! I want to be that woman...the kind that shaves her legs every single day and then applies thick moisturizing cream from Sax Fifth Avenue that cost $700. I want to be the kind of woman that gravitates towards Martha Stewart Living Magazine at the grocery store, the kind of woman that buys linens and wears aprons with landscapes of beaches and kittens. I want to know how to make a special marinade and what the perfect substitution is when I run out of vegetable oil. I want to own a bundt cake pan.....

because let's face it...I'm the kind of woman that doesn't always wash my face before I go to bed. The kind of woman that wears Dr. Pepper chap stick and can't keep my mouth shut, even when it's inappropriate to speak up. I'm the kind of woman that would rather eat out then cook in. The kind that uses the word vagina in public too much and gets distracted at looking at peoples rear ends at the gym. I'm the kind of woman that sees no use in shaving my legs in the dead of winter...unless I have a doctor's appointment...but not for my diabetes doctor...but for my gynecologist...because I know he appreciates it.

And so, new diabetes doctor of mine...I apologize. Had I known you were going to examine my legs I would have gone the extra mile...

Until then, I'm off to some ritzy store to buy myself a real razor.

Voicemail From Heaven...

2010-12-10T22:34:00.000-06:00

I have saved this story all week...

...let me preface this personal experience that I am about to share with you by saying, if you ever doubt...if you ever question or if you simply struggle with your faith...this story should prove to you that God IS around us all the time, God IS listening and God DOES answer prayer...

...do I have your attention?

...About six weeks ago I had a dream...let me rephrase that...about six weeks ago I had a nightmare. Four nights following the first night that I had the nightmare, I had the same nightmare...

...Then it became a fear. A fear of the nightmare reoccurring in my sleep...

...and so, I didn't sleep. That was my answer, my best defense...just. don't. sleep.

Weeks had passed, several nights that I would lay awake, the television muted as to not wake my husband who slept beside me. I watched infomercials late into the night, imagining what the hosts were saying as I read their lips...

...each morning I began a new day, more exhausted than the previous day. The lack of sleep was wearing on my ability to function.

The nightmare: it is Christmas, or at least the "holiday" season...my family and I are attending a celebration at my parent's home, only in my sleep it isn't the home my parents live in now...it is a combination of my parent's old home and their new home. My family and I sit with my parents, my sisters, my sister-in-love and my niece and nephew...everyone is smiling, opening gifts, sharing their new treasures....and the door opens, and my brother walks through the threshold. As I drift deeper into my unconscious thoughts, I see my brother, healthy, beautiful and strong...we are all thrilled to see Cal, but we also realize that he can't stay...however Cal doesn't know that he can't stay, he doesn't know that he has passed. Wanting time to be still, to hold onto the moment, I quickly realize that as long as we are celebrating the holidays, my brother can stay. In the nightmare I am adamant about continuing the celebration...I begin planning, organizing, encouraging everyone in attendance to keep celebrating...I'm using all my energy, all my health to keep the party going...to keep my brother with us, safe within our reach. But I become weak...I begin to fatigue...and I cannot prolong the festivities, and my brother disappears.

I wake in a cold sweat and I am weeping....

And I become fearful of closing my eyes.

After several weeks of restless nights, I finally had a breakdown this past Sunday evening. As my husband was resting in our bed and I had just slipped on my nightgown, I crawled under the covers and I began to sob..."I. am. so. tired." My husband caressed my back and suggested that I call the family doctor in the morning and inquire about a sleep aid, "explain to him what's going on...he might have a suggestion or at the very least he can prescribe something to help you relax."

That night I sank deep into the mattress and I pleaded with God, "please God, give me peace...help me...", it was my desperate request.

Morning appeared and my mundane routine started over. As I hustled the boys out the door for school I grabbed my cell phone and turned it on...I was instantly notified that I had a voicemail waiting. I looked at my phone, "Jackie Hodson, Voicemail", the message lit up the screen. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, "Jackie Hodson? Why is Jackie Hodson calling me?"...it wasn't disappointment, but certainly curiosity. Jackie is a young lady that I attend church with. My family and Jackie's family participated in small group together over the summer. I would call Jackie a friend, but we don't talk on a regular basis...in fact, it had been a few weeks since I had seen Jackie...

...nevertheless, Jackie's message was waiting for me. I retrieved Jackie's voicemail and put the phone to my ear:

"Hi Betsy, this is Jackie Hodson. This may sound strange and maybe a bit awkward, but I'm calling you because I feel that God is telling me that I should pray for you. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be praying about, I just know that I'm supposed to pray for you. If you would like to call me or text me or even email me and share with me if there is something specific I should pray for, or if this is too awkward or strange for you, I totally understand...just know that I'm praying for you."

......

(As I sit here typing this, sharing this experience with you, I am still in awe. I am still touched. I still cry....)

I sat in my car, I don't know how long I sat there...holding my phone in my hand, staring at Jackie's name recorded on the screen. I played the message again, and I listened. When the message was over, I played it again, and I listened again. And I wept.

...God had heard my desperate cry just hours before...and He called upon a follower, a friend of mine...someone He knows that I admire, that I adore, that I love...someone that I would hear and know that He was speaking through her.....

I ended up reaching out to Jackie later that morning, and she prayed for me, a beautiful and perfect prayer. I printed out her words and I folded them up and placed them next to my heart, I read her words several times throughout the day...

That night, I slept. I slept hard. I slept peacefully....

...and each morning since, I have risen feeling very rested....

...peaceful.

Re-Post..."TMI Thursday..."

2010-12-10T17:32:00.000-06:00

(Originally posted on Thursday, December 17, 2009 TMI Thursday...)

(This was by far the most popular post of the year 2009)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

TMI Thursday...

I absolutely had the most embarrassing moment of my professional career today. For those of you who read my blog and believe that I am truly a princess...stop reading. For those of you who believe that I am without fault...stop reading.

What I am about to share is horrifying...in fact, I think I'm going to have to move my family to another country...it's that bad...

This week has been filled with the joys of the Christmas season...I have been delivering Christmas candy to my clients, spreading good cheer to those that I appreciate! Today was no different. I checked into the office, grabbed the few boxes of candy I had left and hopped into my car to deliver the candy to the last of my clients. I made three stops before lunch...handed over the candy, giggled in conversation and wished a Merry Christmas. My next stop was to JCMG to have some blood work done. I had been fasting for twelve hours per my doctors orders and I was starving...I quickly got into my car after having filled six (SIX!!) vials of blood and I rushed to the nearest Taco Bell (BIG MISTAKE). I was SO HUNGRY...I sat in the drive through for what seemed like hours, inching slowly towards my beef burito...mmmmm...my mouth was watering as I came closer and closer to the drive through window. BAM! I was handed my bag and I hadn't even pulled out of the parking lot before I inhaled that beef burrito...it was fabulous!

Do you see where this is going?....

Next stop...last candy drop off...one of my favorite clients! I wasted no time...I wanted to get this Christmas candy out of my car...it smelled SO good! I drove straight to Columbia and as I was pulling into the parking lot of my client's office my stomach gurgled..."hmmmm....that kind of hurts." I sat in my car for a moment and let the cramping subside. I opened my car door, grabbed the candy and walked into the building. The receptionist greeted me, "Good afternoon, can I help you?" I smiled, "Hello! Is Bob* in the office?" (*in effort to protect the victim in my story I have changed the names). The receptionist asked me to have a seat in the lobby and she would ring *Bob and let him know he had a visitor. As I turned to take a seat in the lobby my stomach cramped up again...this time I made a sour face..."ouch!" I felt a bit nauseous...and admittedly a tad faint. I panicked, "did I take my seizure medication this morning?" I thought back to my hectic morning...yes, yes...I remembered taking my medication. "What is wrong with me?" I felt uncomfortable...my hands began to clam up. I sat down in a chair and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Taking a deep breath in I softly whispered, "get it together Bets, shake it off." I opened my eyes to the sound of *Bob's voice. "Hey there Betsy!" *Bob stuck out his hand and I grabbed it, apologizing for my sweaty palms. *Bob invited me back to his office..."oh, I am just here to drop off this Christmas candy, I can't stay..." *Bob replied, "come back for a second, I want to run an idea by you." What a nightmare...I really needed to use the bathroom, I felt like I might vomit...but I took another deep breath and followed *Bob back to his office. As I was walking behind *Bob it suddenly occurred to me that the beef burrito I had scarfed down half and hour earlier was giving me extreme gas...OMG...please, Lord Jesus, PLEASE give me some time to meet with *Bob and then I will use the bathroom....PLEASE don't do this to me. Jesus had other plans...

As we walked into *Bob's office I decided that I needed to use the restroom right THEN...no more waiting..."I need to use the restroom, I'll be right back..." *Bob sat in his chair, "this will only take a second, sit down." OMG...am I in a nightmare? What do I say? Do I tell *Bob that I'm about to crap my pants and I REALLY need to use the restroom??? Pride got the best of me...I decided I could hold on a few more minutes...

Are you palms sweating now...because you know what's coming next, right?

I turned to take a seat...and just as I was lowering my behind into the chair....

Are you going to make me say it?

I let out the biggest....LOUDEST...toot (we don't use the "F" word in my house).

I wanted to vomit I was so embarrassed...but I figured I had already shocked the hell out of my client with the noise that had just escaped my rear end...my face was scarlet red...I could feel the heat of my embarrassment. There was complete silence (yeah, where in the heck was silence just moments before?)!! I didn't know what to say...I couldn't even apologize. I just sat down and starred at the floor.

After what seemed like a lifetime, I looked up at *Bob to see his head resting on his desk and his body convulsing with laughter...the kind of laughter where there is no noise because you can't even breathe....

"I hate you." It's all I could think of at the moment. "I am literally praying to God that the Earth will open up and swallow me and you are sitting across from me laughing at my expense....I hate you."

*Bob raised his head and looked at me through teary eyes..."I'm sorry. I know you are humiliated...but that is damn funny."

Damn funny indeed...I set the Christmas candy on *Bob's desk and left him in his office...shutting the door to trap him in the foulness that had just leaked from my body....is it funny now *Bob?

Re-post, "I Am Not Ashamed..."

2010-12-09T16:58:00.000-06:00

(Originally posted on December 14, 2009 I Am Not Ashamed...)

Monday, December 14, 2009

I Am Not Ashamed...

I wrote this post yesterday after church...and then I decided not to post it...I was reading over my words making sure everything was spelled correctly and I thought to myself, "goodness...I sound like a complete looser before being saved..." Thoughts of "what will people think of me?" and "do people know that I was a wild child in my past?" or "will my new friends still love me now that they know how I was before?" It was difficult for me to read what I had written and accept it...there it was...the truth.

And then this afternoon I ran into an old friend whom I haven't seen in years. She said she has kept up with me through my blog, stumbling across it from a link I posted on my facebook page. She said, "I'm so proud of you and what you have become. Don't be ashamed of your past, it has made you who you are today."

I agree. I needed to be a wild child to become "wild" about Jesus! And so...I'm posting my words from yesterday, written from my heart...

After church this morning our "connections" class was discussing the sermon we had just listened to and the topic of "change" surfaced in our conversation. The question was posed, "can people change?" Several people among us offered their insight...I waited patiently...and then I spoke...

"I was thirty five years old when I decided to change. It took me thirty five years of bad decisions, awful mistakes, the heavy weight of sin, one divorce and an almost second failed marriage before I decided that how I was living was getting me nowhere, quickly."

My husband was asked how he was effected by my accepting Christ and becoming saved...

"Our marriage is stronger...I feel like I have a partner...we are not just cohabiting." I felt the sting of pain in my heart...

I added to his response, "our children are better because of my change." I felt the tears begin to form as I recalled a moment with my son Jackson...just the two of us in the car on our way home from a trip to the grocery store. Spirit FM set the dial on the radio and my son softly spoke to me, "mommy, I like our family now. I like you better this way...I like our church and the music we listen to. I like that you and daddy are together." I pulled to the side of the road, overwhelmed with guilt and grief as I experienced for the first time what my former life looked like to my own children...

Can people change?

The better question is, can Jesus change people? Can faith change lives?

Absolutely.

I am experiencing real life change every single day because I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Is it easy? No. Not just no...but....NO! It's hard. It's painful. It's humbling. And often I fall...

But because Christ died on the Cross for my sins, I am able to pick myself up and begin again....

Dear Jesus...

2010-12-07T21:34:00.000-06:00

Silence.

I am still.

I sit down at my laptop and I begin tapping out the words to my 2010 Christmas letter...

...I begin, "Dear loved ones,"

and I wait for the words to come to me.

...the tiny fan within my laptop whirls, the glow from the screen bounces off my glasses and creates a glare...I sit and stare...

...the words that I have typed are blurry, and realize that I am crying.

I hit the delete button and "Dear loved ones," disappears.

...and I am still.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those who are the called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

It's the verse of the day on the desk calendar that sits, propped up by a stack of books next to my laptop...

Last year my Christmas letter was about being honest...sharing the good, the bad and the ugly...the whole truth...

...this year should be the same...and I begin to type what is on my heart...

Dear Jesus,

You know, better than anyone, the year we have endured. And you know, better than anyone...I am....exhausted. I am...confused. I am...hurt. I am...angry.

I am...closer to you, Jesus.

We have been tested. Melanoma. Death. Forgiveness.

And within each of these trials, we have drawn closer to You.

Melanoma...such an ugly word, and yet beauty came from dear friends who sent our boys to a Christian camp and little Jackson excepted You into his heart, claiming You to be his Lord and Savior!

Death...so much confusion and anger, and yet growth has emerged and a deeper relationship with You has begun. When our world seemed to come crashing down around the death of my brother, my mother and father's only son, the father of two precious babies...You called upon me to be the rock...to share my Faith and my love for You and to grow stronger within You. As a result, I have developed a closeness with my mother that we've never known, my eyes have been opened to the patience and the deep, deep love that my husband holds for me, I have witnessed what community is...friends, neighbors and even strangers have opened up their hearts to my family in a way that is inspiring and comforting.

Forgiveness...I would venture to say that forgiveness is more confusing than death...possibly more difficult to accept. This past year I have worked towards forgiveness of those in my life that I harbored unhealthy feelings towards, realizing that by not extending forgiveness, I was at sin with You. Discovering that true forgiveness is both healing and peaceful.

As we enter into the Christmas season, I stop and reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas...You. You are the one gift that I most want my family to have...it's not the newest video game system, it's not a drum set, it's not jewelry or the latest fashions...it's simply You, sweet Jesus.

I often feel inadequate when trying to express my love for You and when it comes to modeling that love in my life, I fail miserably. So please forgive me, please understand that when I am struggling with my own human brokenness...that I love You.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for Your forgiveness, Your peace, Your understanding, Your answers to many of my desperate questions. Thank You for Grace and Mercy...for patience. Thank You for the love of my family, my three beautiful boys, my incredible husband, a job that I love, friends that I adore...

...thank You.

Merry Christmas, Jesus. May Your day be bright...

...and pass along a gentle kiss on the check to my dear, sweet, BIG hearted brother!

Much love,

The Dudenhoeffer Family

Christmas Letter 2009...

2010-12-06T19:47:00.000-06:00

(Originally posted on December 8,, 2009 Dear Christmas, The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...)

*Tomorrow's post will not be a "re-post", I will post this year's Christmas letter.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dear Christmas, The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...

Every year I attempt to write the "perfect" Christmas letter...you know the one...bragging on my three "precious", "angelic" and "oh so intelligent" little boys, my "strong", "hard-working", and "sensitive" hottie husband and the job that I "absolutely love." Christmas is a time for joy...the spreading of good cheer, so naturally we write Christmas letters to our family and friends of only the pleasantries from the past year.

Last night I sat with my laptop, cursor blinking on a blank Microsoft Word template, awaiting my first tap tap taps of my "jolly" news from 2009.

"Dear loved ones,

I hope this letter finds you rested and content during this busy time of the year. 2009 has certainly been...."

And then I paused, searching for the perfect word to describe what 2009 brought for the Dudenhoeffer family. The year flashed before me, and a thought crossed my mind...what if my letter wasn't all rainbows and bunnies? What would my letter look like if I was honest about it all and I didn't leave the "bad" out?

"Dear loved ones,

We are flat broke. We embarked on a basement/master bedroom remodel that is now going on year two. All of our savings is going into this major headache of a project and we had to use the Christmas money that we get from my father to purchase gifts for the kids...from "Santa." Hottie husband and I have had four major arguments this year, one in which I stomped out and "hid" at my office for eight hours (but boy, did I get a LOT of work accomplished)! I've been diagnosed with diabetes on top of my epilepsy and my skin cancer returned for the fifth time, requiring me to receive radiation (golly, that's always fun). Jackson still struggles with his reading, Benjamin quite frequently gets a spoonful of horseradish for foul language and Hayden...well, he's a teenager (that should sum it up for you). My job is extremely stressful and the probability of me meeting my goals are slim in this economy. Hottie husband has traveled more this year between his job and his obligation with the National Guard than he has in the eleven years we have been married, leaving me (sometimes weeks at a time) to be alone with the three boys and all of their extra curricular activities. My license was taken away for six months due to the epilepsy, and so I was dependent on anyone for small things such as going to the grocery store for a gallon of milk. Hottie husband had to have a root canal, which set us back a house payment and the family doctor had to write him an excuse to give to his commander stating that a bad knee would keep him from completely participating in the National Guard PT test. My father is suffering from MS, my mother suffers from...craziness (but we love her so much) and my siblings...well, that's another letter. Some days I feel like I'm going to explode, other days are great...that's the beauty of mood swings..."

I sat back in my chair to evaluate what I had just typed. I smiled...this is why Christmas letters are limited to only the "good", my goodness, I want to jump off a bridge after reading all this...

I continued my letter...

"and yet, despite all of the struggles, God is so good to us. In February I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. In April we became members of a church that we adore! In May, hottie husband and I were baptized. The boys have made new friends through youth groups and Sunday school. Hottie husband and I have been blessed through the church with new friends that have the same morals and life goals as we do. Just last week our oldest son Hayden was baptized, having accepted Jesus has his Lord and Savior. We have a roof over our heads, food on our table and we both have jobs that we are passionate about! So...2009 has been life changing for us. We are coming to know Christ in a more intimate way and we are amazed at what we were missing out on before!
And so I write to you, wishing you a very Merry Christmas...may the Lord bless you as he has blessed our family...with Faith, knowing that He is God. With Commitment...to build on our relationship with Jesus, and with Light...the light of God to chase away the darkness."

There it was...my "perfect" Christmas letter. The good, the bad & the ugly...because it doesn't seem as "bad" or as "ugly" when you can say that Jesus is beside you!

Merry Christmas,

The Dudenhoeffer's

Again, Again!!!...

2010-12-05T19:48:00.000-06:00

I'm exhausted...

...this time of year really takes every bit of energy that I have, Christmas parties, Christmas shopping, Christmas cooking, Christmas decorating.....

....the list goes on and on....

....and this year hottie hubby and I are adding a BIG project!! Tomorrow we start ripping out our kitchen (counters, cabinets, floor, walls, appliances...) and begin putting together our NEW kitchen!

So....

....I've got a LOT on my plate right now.

In effort to keep my sanity (the wee little bit that I have) and not stress over blogging....

...AND....to "please" my trusty blog followers and NOT "take a break" from blogging....

I have decided to REPOST my entries from last December...it's really a lot of fun for me to go back and read what I was doing or what I was thinking a year ago!

Enjoy the time travel back to December 2009....

(Originally Posted on December 6, 2009 Blessed Assurance)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Blessed Assurance...

How proud am I of my thirteen year old son? So. Very. Proud.

Believing that Jesus is Lord and placing his faith in Him, Hayden accepted Jesus into his heart a few weeks ago, and this morning was baptised.

We are so proud of Hayden and his decision. This is a picture of Hayden before the baptism (freezing in his swimming trunks, ready to submerge into the warm baptismal waters).

This is Hayden and our pastor, Mark. Pastor Mark is a HUGE reason for our family's decision to make "real life change". We adore Pastor Mark and his family! (I know what you are thinking...is Pastor Mark the same age as Hayden? No...he's my age...he just looks really young...see, being a believer has it's benefits)...(that's just a little humor)....

Hayden walking into the water (not on the water...not yet). (More humor)...

Hayden proclaims that Jesus is Lord and is immersed into the water...

Hayden is now "right with God." He has three principles that will now become very important to him. Foundation, Motivation and Consistency. If his foundation is the Bible, and if his motivation is being like Christ, and if he consistently seeks to live like Christ, then he will know that Jesus covers his sins, and he will still be right with God.

Wordless Wednesday...

2010-12-01T05:01:00.000-06:00

I love this picture..it was taken at St. Mary's the day that our youngest son, Benjamin was born.

That's Jack (he had just turned one!) and Hayden, he was five! LOVE MY PRECIOUS BOYS!!

Where's The Line To See Jesus?...

2010-11-30T19:54:00.001-06:00

The "F" Word...

2010-11-29T19:57:00.000-06:00

Forgiveness...

...sometimes "forgiveness" is the "F" word...it seems filthy, formidable, futile, faulty...

Why is forgiveness so difficult?

I've been working with "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" (that's my Christian counselor) on forgiveness...

...she had me complete a list of people in my life that I am angry with or hold some sort of "resentment" towards. Immediately I thought of two people, two very key people in my life...and I thought that they were the only two people that would be recorded on my list...

...turns out my list was twelve people long...

where did they come from? I starred at my list...I blinked...the names were still there. I couldn't believe what I had written...I had no idea I harbored so much "unforgiveness"...

So, I took my list back to "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" and we began working on that list...

...my list is now two people long. The same two people that I originally thought of when the list idea was presented to me. The same two key people in my life...

I looked at "Dr. Phil My Soul With Jesus" and simply said, "I can't."

..."You can," she said, just as simply as I had said it to her.

I haven't forgiven these two people...yet. I say "yet" because I'm working on the forgiveness...and I truly believe that with God's help I will one day forgive them.

...the point of this post isn't to share with you the "unforgiveness"...but rather the "forgiveness" that I have experienced...because the forgiveness, when it happens....is beautiful...

...allow me to share a story with you:

Roughly three weeks ago I encountered a very uncomfortable situation with a friend. The situation left my husband furious, I was shaken, and with all of the emotions we encountered over this one happening, it left my husband and I in great stress. The situation called for me to confront the very people that I have trusted and loved...and admittedly, placed upon a pedestal. I waited for the outcome that I expected...and when the resolution that I desired was not presented to me, I crumbled.

...and the devil swept in....

"They don't like you."

"This is your fault."

"They don't care about you."

"It won't ever be the same..."

My world was spinning out of control...I couldn't believe that the very people that I believed in, bragged about, loved with all my heart, idolized.....

...they fell.

I called my friends that are professionals and relayed my delima to them, seeking their advice...looking to them to share what I wanted them to say...what I had expected the others to say....

...but my friends only confirmed that my resolution was not realistic and that how the situation was handled was indeed correct....

I cried. I sulked. I pouted. I looked for different answers...my answers.

After several days of stumbling in darkness, I confronted one of the "trusted" ones...

...after several minutes of crying, pleading and disagreement, I heard this...

"Until you can forgive, you won't be free."

I was expected to forgive the very person that had placed me in this horrible situation...

...I wasn't ready...in fact, I thought, I'm not EVER going to forgive this person...I'm not the one who did the wrong...I shouldn't have to forgive...

....and I cried. And I was miserable.

And then I was reminded of a story that my sales manager at work shared with me a few short months ago...

...he said that three years ago when I interviewed with the company that I now work for, I left the office after a lengthy interview and he and his business partner looked at the third business partner and said, "no way. We can't hire her...she's a party girl." And the third business partner looked at them and said, "no, I think we should give her the opportunity...there is something about her that tells me we should hire her."

....and Grace and Mercy were given....Forgiveness....it was gifted to me...

...and then I thought about the night I lay in the bed in my hotel room in New York City...I asked God to forgive me of my sins...I asked Him to come into my heart, cleanse me, mold me, love me....

....and Christ died on the Cross for my sins....He forgave.

....why shouldn't I?

And so, I sat with the person that wronged me...I listened to his cry. I watched as this individual sat before me, broken and beaten...and I thought, "I've been where you are. I know your pain." I too cried with him...I felt his apology in my heart...

...and I looked at him and I softly said...

"I forgive you."

And I am free.

...why is it so easy to forgive some...

...and so difficult to forgive others?

Holy Tattoo Batman...

2010-11-28T20:34:00.000-06:00

So...

I was prepared to write a heartfelt post dedicated to my brother...today would have been his thirty-second birthday.

However...as I just signed on to my computer and checked my facebook page, I went to my sister's page to leave her a quick "I love you and miss you" note (she lives in California)...

....and I decided that my sister's unique way in how she "celebrated" our brother's birthday was MUCH MORE BLOG POST WORTHY...

....and there is no need for words, because the photo will do it ALL the justice in the world...

Okay, I'll add a few words...

First, that's my sisters wrist....she's laid it next to a photo of my brother that just so happens to be funny because he's "pointing" to her wrist...

Second....that's our brother's name that she just had tattooed on her arm today...

Third.....yeah, I got nothing.....I'm speechless....

....except to say...I can ALWAYS count on my little sis to entertain our family and keep me laughing!!!

I love you Jordan!!

....and....HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAL, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!

Firsts...

2010-11-24T21:51:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow will be the first Thanksgiving holiday celebrated without my brother...

...a year of "firsts" are in front of us...

...first birthday, he would have been thirty-two this Sunday. First Christmas, first birthday celebration of his baby girl who be three in January. First birthday celebration of his baby boy who will be two in February. First Easter, first Father's Day, first Fourth of July....

...first year since he's been gone, in July...

Last year my Thanksgiving post focused on the price paid for my redemption, a gift that I am thankful for every day.

...admittedly, this year I wished that I could simply close my eyes and sleep through the next five weeks...waking up to a new year, leaving behind a year of sickness, loss and hurt.

Last night I watched my mother melt in her pain...again, I felt helpless, unable to give her the only gift that she truly wants...her only son. I cried myself to sleep, tossing and turning through the night, pleading with God to take the grief, the pain...fill me with love and understanding.

Isn't it interesting how "Firsts" are typically a moment of celebration in life...first birthday, first day of school, first boyfriend, first day of college, first job, first holiday as a married couple, first baby, first anniversary...

...but this year the "firsts" will not be a celebration, rather a reminder of the loss of someone we love.

But it's okay to grieve...it's okay to be sad, to cry, to be angry, to hurt...

...but it's also okay to laugh, to smile, to share memories, to celebrate...

...in fact, it's imperative that we continue to celebrate....

....to live.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the beautiful babies that are pieces of my brother. I'm thankful for the gorgeous and amazing mother that those babies love, the woman my brother loved and adored. I am thankful for my own mother...her beautiful, loving ways...her contagious laugh and her incredible cooking! :) I am thankful for my three handsome and healthy boys...the love that they have for me. I am thankful for my unbelievably fabulous husband, who has been my rock, who exudes patience and love like I've never known. I am thankful that my brother knew just how much I love him. I am thankful that I took initiative to share with my brother what an awesome father he was, how proud of him I am!

I am thankful for forgiveness...although I struggle still in some areas of my own life, in others I have found the courage to forgive and I, myself, have been forgiven. I am thankful for the love, the peace and the gift of life that my Father above provides to me each and every day...

....and, I am thankful for the "firsts"...the celebrations of new life, the life that will continue and memories that we will all share....

Calling All Angels...

2010-11-20T21:24:00.000-06:00

Saturday night. My husband has taken our boys to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I am laying in my bed, wrapped in my pink terry cloth robe, fur lined slippers warming my feet. The television is on, Pay It Forward, a favorite of mine...and I watch as if I were watching it for the very first time.

...the plot of the movie circles around a young boy who, for a social studies project, begins a "movement" that spreads across the United States. The concept of "paying it forward"...changing someones life for the better, lending a helping hand, offering hope in a time of desperation....

As the movie reaches it's ending, the song "Calling All Angels" flows from my television and I turn up the volume...I close my eyes as I hold on to each word;

"calling all angels

walk me through this one

don't leave me alone

calling all angels

we're cryin' and we're hurtin'

and we're not sure why... "

I slowly open my eyes and my tears spill over...

...Pay It Forward...Calling All Angels...I think back to the day after my brothers death...

...let me explain...

My brother passed away on a Thursday evening...the same day that my parents moved from their home of twenty-six years to a new, one level home, to better suit my father who suffers from MS. My mother was already not herself...having spent the entire summer packing up years of home making and family memories. Selling the home that she raised her children in was difficult on my mother, to say the least...and then, as she was beginning to unpack her new life, she was told that her only son was gone.

My brothers death was unexpected. He was only thirty-one. He has two small babies and the love of his life waiting for him to heal from a terrible disease...but not a disease that people die from....so "shock" is an understatement.

I remember on the drive home from the VA Hospital in Columbia...late in the night, difficult to process leaving my brother behind and never seeing him again...I thought about the move...just hours earlier friends and family were gathered, moving boxes, organizing dishes, sorting through clothing...and there was still so much at the old home that needed to be done. The old home needed to be cleaned, dusted, vacuumed, bathrooms scrubbed...there were still so many boxes to be brought from the old home to the new....but it was the last thing on any one's mind.

Pulling up to my mother's new home, the darkness of the night enveloped the sky....cars lined the street outside the new house and every light within was brightly shining. As I entered the house, my parents closest friends, along with my mother's sister and her daughter were seated in the kitchen. Silence was thick within the room...and then I heard my mother's cry. Helpless...it's the worst feeling in the world...and it consumed every part of me in that moment...all my mother wanted was her son...and I couldn't give him to her. My heart was heavy...

...After a long night of tossing and turning...fits of rage...pleading with God and deep crying, the morning finally arrived. The sky was still dark...clouds covered every inch and the rain pelted the windows of my room...tears from the sky, it seemed so appropriate.

A long, hot shower and a cup of coffee seemed to soothe my mind for a moment and I drove to my parents home. My father was sitting at the kitchen table, boxes towered high around him, dishes wrapped in packing paper lined the counter tops...my mother was still sleeping in her bed, drugged with a sedative that I had asked our family doctor for the night before. I sat at the table with my father, neither of us said a word. We sat for a moment, watching the rain, listening to the sounds of the new home...

...I heard the door of my parents bedroom creak open...and my mother shuffled into the kitchen. Her eyes were swollen, her face pale, her shoulders sagged with a heaviness that no doubt was weighing on her heart too.

"Do you see them?" she whispered in a voice hoarse from a night of crying..."look out the window."

I turned my eyes from my mother to the window that my father and I had been looking out of just moments before...and there they were...

"Who are they?" I asked.

"They're my students" my mother cried....and my eyes filled with tears once again.

You see, the news of my brothers death traveled the social network of Facebook the night before...and my mother, who has been a teacher for over thirty-two years, was the topic of many "status updates" and "conversations"....a group of my mother's students rallied together and early the morning after, in the cold and stinging rain, they carried boxes from the old house to the new house, they dusted and vacuumed the old house and they one by one came in to share with my mother how much they love her.

It was an incredible sight. It was an incredible feeling. It was...just incredible.

"Calling All Angels"...the song means so much more to me now then it did the first time I heard it, years ago.

...I'm writing this post because this Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for...yes, there has been great loss and great hurt in my family...but there has been even greater healing, greater friendships, and greater love that we perhaps would have never noticed before...

...thank you to all those "angels"...

Wordless Wednesday...

2010-11-17T18:45:00.000-06:00

This is me, as a brunette. I'm thinking about going back to this color....thoughts?!?

A Not So "Uplifting" Experience...

2010-11-16T17:33:00.000-06:00

My sister-in-love called me this morning and asked me to drop a copy of my brother's death certificate at the Veterans office in the Jefferson building, downtown. "The guys name is Marc, and he is on the twelfth floor."

...easy, right?

I pulled up to the building with the big bear in front...my father worked in the Jefferson building when I was little and the memories of climbing up onto the bear and planting a big kiss on his cold, stone body came rushing back...

I entered the building through the revolving doors..."eww, rusty" I thought as I looked down at the worn floors and I squinted my eyes at the piercing sound of rusting mechanical parts that spin the doors...

As I stepped onto the elevator I pressed the number twelve button and the doors shut immediately.

Whoosh....

...the numbers on the lighted board above the door seemed to instantly change...1, 2, 3....12! It was honestly the fastest elevator I had ever ridden and it left me a bit woozy.

The doors opened and I stepped off the elevator and stepped into the Veterans office. Marc was readily available and the drop off took no time at all.

Seconds later I stepped back onto the elevator and I pressed the first floor button, the doors closed.

...12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6......

HAULT!

My body jolted and I began to loose my balance. Reaching out to the sides and grasping the walls, a feeling of panic set in...

I waited...

Nothing.

"Really?...

....Really??!"

I picked up the phone on the wall...an operator on the first floor answered:

"May I help you?"

"Um, yes...this is Betsy, I'm stuck in the elevator." (what am I? A celebrity? Why did I say my name?)

"Okay mam, I'll send maintenance right away, hold tight."

"thank you..."

approximately sixty seconds later (but seriously, it felt like hours!) I picked up the phone again:

"May I help you?"

"yes, um, is someone working on the elevator?"

"yes mam, we are working as quickly as we can."

"okay. Thank you."

click.

approximately thirty seconds later (but seriously, it felt like hours!)

the elevator phone rings...

ummmm....am I supposed to answer? What? It's a legit question, right?

"This is Betsy." (don't judge me, it's how I answer my cell)

"Yes mam, this is maintenance (does he not have a real name?) and we are working on the situation at hand. Are you okay?"

"ummm, I'm feeling warm....and like I might cry....yes, yes, I'm going to cry....here it comes."

Crying.

Silence.

(What I imagine was going through "maintenance's" head: "we've got a nut on our hands, work faster!")

"Okay mam, stay calm. We are working as quickly as possible."

"Ummm, sir? Can you please tell me, am I between the fifth and sixth floors or the sixth and seventh floors?"

"fifth and sixth."

"Ummmm, okay...can you now tell me how many feet, approximately of course, is it to the ground floor?"

"mam?"

"well, I need to know how many feet it is to the ground floor so that if the cable breaks and I come crashing down I can brace myself for the severity of the fall. I mean, are we talking hundreds of feet?"

Silence.

(inside "maintenance's" head: "yep, we've got a nut on our hands...and she's cracked.")

"mam, we are working quickly. I'm going to hang up now, but hold tight, we just about have the problem solved."

click.

Ummmm...he didn't even wait for me to acknowledge that he was going to hang up. Rude.

...approximately twenty minutes later (but seriously, it felt like days!) after checking my email and attempting a few phone calls (nobody was available...figures) I realized I was drenched in sweat. Man alive, it was HOT in the two square feet that I was occupying (okay, that might be a slight exaggeration...but seriously, it felt like two square feet!). I picked up the phone:

"May I help you?"

"yes, this is Betsy again. I'm curious, did you think it would be someone else? Is there more than one phone line from the elevator?"

(I'm kidding, I didn't really say that...but I certainly thought it...I mean, come on!)

"yes, this is Betsy again. Are they any closer to fixing the elevator?"

"mam, there is a short in the electrical wire and they are working on it now. I apologize for the inconvenience. Are you doing okay?"

"oh, yes, sure! I'm great! I'm just closing my eyes and breathing deep, I'm trying to get to my happy place, but for some reason, my mind has me trapped in a box!"

Silence.

"thank you." and I hung up.

approximately FOURTY-FIVE minutes in the elevator (I'm SO serious!) the elevator jerked into motion and threw me to the first floor. The doors opened and I literally JUMPED off the possessed and cursed elevator and " maintenance" was there to greet me, smudged in filth, tool box in hand:

"are you okay mam?"

my crazed eyes, sweaty clothing and matted hair said it all...

"sorry about that mam, have a good day now!"

I bolted towards the doors (choosing to use the "standard" doors, fearing that the revolving doors would trap me next) and I walked up to the stone bear that stands in the front of the building...

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

From now on, I'm taking the stairs.

Oops...Wordless Wednesday (On Thursday)...

2010-11-11T06:35:00.000-06:00

Natalie Grant at the Women of Faith conference this past weekend...

...I was so close I could almost touch her!!

(yes, she is eight months preggo)

Knock Knock....Who's There?

2010-11-10T20:05:00.000-06:00

Five O'clock on Wednesday evening...

...I had just walked through my front door, my purse on my shoulder, mail in one hand, car keys in the other...

...I yelled for the boys to put the dog, (who was jumping excitedly, indicating that he needed a potty break) out on his leash.

I slipped off my heels (ahhhhhh...relief) and I tossed the mail onto the kitchen table.

Ding! Dong!

"Really?!!" I rolled my eyes as I released a heavy sigh..."Who could possibly be at my door and why?!"

I sauntered to my front door to find two very young, well dressed men standing on the other side of my screen door.

"Hello."

I greeted the young men, worried that they would see right through my fake smile...

"Hi! My name is Ben (they are always named Ben) and this is Joshua (of course). We are Jehovah's witnesses, are you available to hear an important message?"

.....*inside my head*...."ummmm, no...I'm not available to hear an important message, not only because I'm tired and cranky and I've just come home from a long day at work, but because I'm pretty sure that your "important" message is not really that "important" to me..."

....*inside my heart*...."absolutely! I would love to hear your "important" message, because I am a Christian, and Christians should show love and compassion...and believe me, I have compassion for you, and your "important" message...."

"Sure, I'll listen to what you have to share,
but may I ask questions?"

"of course!"

"And when you have shared
your important message with me,

can I share my important message with you?"

...stone faces....

(What I imagined was going through their heads:

"wait...what do we say? What is protocol? Can we listen to her important message? I don't know what to do! Quick, jump on your bike and ride....ride like the wind!")...

"Okay..." (it sounded really unsure)

I opened the door and allowed the two men to enter, motioning towards the couch I offered them a seat. As I sat in the recliner, I reached over to the coffee table that separated me from them and grabbed my Bible...

the saleslady (and the desire to dominate every conversation) in me began the conversation...

"I have to tell you, you are not my first Jehovah's witnesses...I've been approached a few times! In fact, and I hope this doesn't offend you...I told the last two that came to my door that if I were a Jehovah's witness, and I believed that only 144,000 people will be raised to heaven to spend eternity with God, I sure as heck wouldn't be out recruiting people...I'd want to make sure I am one of those 144,000!"

...sideways glance at one another...

"We believe that when a person dies, his soul ends. If a person accepts salvation, he or she will be resurrected by Jehovah and will live on Earth. Some souls, however, were created by God to be kings and rulers. There are 144,000 spirits created by Jehovah before the creation of the Earth and they will go to Heaven after the resurrection. The remaining saved souls will dwell on a glorified Earth for all eternity."

"I think I'm one of those that God created to be a ruler....ha!"

yeah...they didn't get the humor in that.

"I should share with you that I gave my heart to Christ about two years ago, I'm a Christian."

"Great! So you know what the true riches are!"

"I do! I know that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for my sins, and He rose again. I know He extends great mercy and grace to me each and every day. I know that He is with me, even now, sitting here with you. I know that He has changed my life, He has changed my family's life and He has great plans for me!"

Ben handed me a magazine titled "Awake"...I took the magazine and placed it on the coffee table.

"I have my Bible, it's the only book I need to find the Truth."

Ben looked frustrated, "When you invited us in you said you would listen to our message and we then agreed that we would listen to yours, but you haven't allowed us to share our message yet..."

I nodded my head in agreement, "I know what I said, but a thought just occurred to me...I have Christ in my heart. I choose to follow Jesus, because the Bible says that Jesus is the only way to God, to heaven. I don't know much about your beliefs, but quite frankly, I'm not interested in anything but what the Bible says."

Ben and Joshua stood, "You can keep the magazine, there are things in there that will help you understand our beliefs and if you have any questions, here is a card with my contact information."

I shook my head, declining the card...."Ben, it was very nice meeting you and Joshua, but I won't be needing the magazine and I won't need your contact information...if I have any questions, I'll look to the Bible or I can call my pastor! In the meantime...if you are ever interested in understanding my beliefs, I'd love to have you visit my church. I go to Memorial Baptist and we are very friendly and loving!"

Ben and Joshua stood....jaws practically hitting the floor...

As I watched Ben and Joshua ride off into the sunset on their 10 speed Schwinn's (that's an image, eh?) I thought to myself....

"My God can beat up their God..."

JUST KIDDING! :)

I Know I Will...

2010-11-09T18:45:00.000-06:00

Saturday evening I returned home from an exhilarating, inspiring and motivating two days...

...as I slid my exhausted body underneath the cool, clean sheets, Mark reminded me to set the clocks back one hour...

...a change of time.

A change of season...

...a change of life, at least for me and my family.

My mind began to wander into the past as I wound back the hands of the black ornate clock, a wedding gift almost twelve years ago...

...in my mind I was with my grandmother, laying on her bed that she had just smoothed, the handmade quilt that her mother had sewn was neatly folded at the foot of the bed. I was sixteen, my head resting in the palms of my hands as I watched my grandmother standing in her mirror, applying her makeup...

"Grandma?"

"Yes, dear?"

"What did you want to be when you grew up?"

"A mother."

I smiled.

"Grandma....really...what did you really want to be when you grew up?"

"I really wanted to be a mother. I dreamed of being a mother, a beautiful housewife, and I wanted a dark green velvet Devan."

I remember thinking to myself that she had succeeded...she was a mother, she was beautiful, and she did have a green velvet love seat...although it was bright green, not dark.

"Why do you ask? What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"That's easy Grandma...I want to be an actress. I'm going to sing on Broadway someday."

"I know you will."

And I believed my grandma...I believed that she believed that I really would be an actress. She was my biggest "fan!"

"Honey? Are you okay?"

I was abruptly brought back to the present, Mark was laying in the bed next to me as I held the clock in my hands...

...As I set the clock back onto the nightstand and I sank into the softness of the covers, my mind reeled with thoughts of the past two days. It was my first Women of Faith conference...and I had spent the weekend building relationships with incredible women. Together our hearts and our minds were soaked with the Truth...God's Truth.

"Mark?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I'm going to share my passion for Christ and all that He has changed in me with the world! I'm going to be a Woman of Faith...I'm going to tour with those women that have stories to share. I'm going to be God's light and help bring others to their salvation! I'm going to do it. I really am!"

"I know you will."

...And I believe my husband...I believe that he believes that I really will share with the world! He is my biggest "fan!"

And I smiled.

Me, Angela and Jill at the Women of Faith conference!

Wordless Wednesday...

2010-11-03T08:28:00.000-05:00

Hear no evil, See no evil, Say no evil....

LOVE this photo of my boys!